Are You Living in Fear or Possibility?

For the past fifteen years I have called upon an amazing woman, whom I refer to as “My wise sage,” to help me in times of confusion, doubt or struggle. Her actual name is Sue. I’ve never met her in person, have no idea what she looks like but consider her one of the most influential women in my life and her advice and intuition is spot on.

Talking to Sue recently, she said something that rocked me to my core. “Traci, it seems you’re living in fear of the future instead of the possibility in it.” I felt the blood drain from my head and as if I might pass out. Seriously, it hit me like a ton of bricks because she was right and I had no idea.

Most disturbing is that I had always lived my life from a place of possibility- excited about the future- creating it first in my dream journals and then meticulously through very clear goal setting. Not once have I doubted my ability to do something and Sue knew this because she’s been coaching me for 15 years and seen it firsthand. So what changed?

I know it sounds really contrite but the only thing that changed was my thinking. In truth, something has been off in my mind for the past six months and I’ve struggled to access that part of my brain that instills confidence, belief and pure drive. At 44 I was thinking perhaps it was my age and something chemical- or at least that was an easy out for me. But when Sue said, “You’re living in fear of the future,” she unlocked my power- literally. That very day I instantly felt better because I knew what was wrong, my focus and thinking was off. Rather than put energy toward what it is I wanted, I was giving it to what I didn’t want and was afraid might happen in my life.

The brain is a very tricky organ. It needs a job and if you don’t give it one- a clear one, it will take over and in most cases, fill you with doubt, fear and anxiety. For me, this trigger built up due to actions I took in my consulting firm, Bild and Company. I had hired a new CEO the year prior to run my national organization; something I had done myself for over 20 years. While he has done a fantastic job, I never worked through the grieving process of “giving up my position” and also felt powerless to run my business because I had literally handed the job over to someone else. Known to many as the Mindset Mentor, I for sure had lost that ability over the past six months. What I didn’t lose was my refusal to live a mediocre life. Instinctually I knew I was losing the battle of the mind, but simply couldn’t figure out how to regain control. Refusing to give in, it finally hit me- I need to call Sue and thus the beginning of the story.

Almost like a fairy god mother waiving her wand, with one sentence Sue returned my power. Instantly I felt my mind, mood and spirit shift back to living in possibility. I couldn’t do better because I didn’t know better; now I do.

Even more powerful is the process I’ve been engaged in to find one “word” or phrase to encompass what the Get Your Girl Back movement is about. All I can say is God is good because through this experience, tough as it has been, he revealed it to me (and you are going to be among the first to hear it!).

I’ve always lived my life in possibility but many women have not. Before I could help others with this final piece of the puzzle, I had to experience it personally- not what it’s like to live in possibility- but the despair of living my life in fear.

I understand now- Get Your Girl Back for me has always been about possibility- how could I have missed it? The possibility to live an abundant life, the possibility to have a beautiful marriage, the possibility to enjoy great health, the possibility to raise well-mannered children who make a difference in the world, the possibility to use your natural talents and gifts in your work, the possibility to have financial freedom, the possibility to live in gratitude, the possibility to have balance and the possibility to have fulfillment in your life. There are SO MANY POSSIBILITIES! You just have to expect them to show up!

This is the possibility I’ve lived in since I was a girl- that along the way was lost- but regained. This is Get Your Girl Back- so go, live in possibility and make your life what you’ve always dreamed it would be. Comment here on my blog your thoughts, I would love to hear them.

Please, if this message resonates with you, help me spread the word to the women you know and love. Forward them the blog, encourage them to sign up for Notes From Your Girl or advise them to download a FREE dream journal and see what it feels like to map out their life and live in possibility. Just visit www.GYGB.com for any of these immediate actions. Thanks for supporting me through this journey. We are just getting started.

 

 

 

 

Swing, Swing, Swing on a Summer Day….

Sitting on the swing, feeling the wind blow through my hair as I flew into the sky and felt the tossing and turning of butterflies in my tummy was pure bliss- for the first time in years, I was actually swinging. Beside me my eight year old son Noah was laughing and saying “Mommy look! We are swinging at the exact same height!” Perfectly in synch, although for just a moment, we sailed through the air and for a moment…I felt like a young girl again.  Giggling I kicked my legs in an effort to go higher and higher…I couldn’t believe how good it felt to let go and immerse myself in the pure joy of childlike fun.

Young Woman Swinging

How many times have I gone to the park with Paris and Noah, only to sit and watch them play? For years I have gone only to sit and watch or dabble on my cell phone checking in on email, social media and texts. Isn’t that what moms do? We drive, sit, watch and wait…while our children live their lives, play with friends and have incredible life experiences. Yet over the last year something changed. I started to ask myself, “Why do they get to have all the fun?” I found myself jealous as I watched my daughter challenge herself to do a back tuck at gymnastics or Noah center up and position his feet in the perfect position to hit the ball and quickly run to first base. I would think to myself, “Why am I just sitting here?”

The young girl inside of me was literally starting to surface in everything I did. “Can I come out and play?” I felt her voice, her presence and her desire to bring fun, adventure and joy back into my life. So I said yes- literally! I made a conscious decision that I was no longer going to sit around and watch. I was going to get in the game and play. Like my children, I too wanted to have fun. I love being a mom, running a business and being a wife but what I miss is the freedom of plain old fashioned fun!

Since that time I’ve made it a point to play a little bit every day. I no longer care what people around me think because in my heart I know- they want to play too; so I’m taking the lead and doing what I’ve longed to do all these years. When I take Noah to baseball I get out on the field with him before the game and play catch, I run the bases and hit the ball. Before bed I grab a deck of cards, look at my kids with a competitive eye and say, “Who wants to play?” and when stepping on stage to speak to an audience at a conference, all grown up and in my fancy suit I think to myself, “Remember when this was your dream?” No more zoning out as I speak for the 10,000th  time- I’m there, full of passion and joy as I savor in the fact that I once dreamed of this job…and today it’s my freakin’ reality!

I don’t know how to explain the transformation I’ve experienced other than saying, “I feel alive!” I’ve always been a passionate person, full of life but the truth is, like other women- I’ve been a walking zombie! Alive, fully functioning but sort of dead inside- Tired, stressed, anxious and part of a vicious cycle called “Being a grown up”- I was going through the motions.  While I love my kids and wouldn’t trade a moment of my mom experience for the world, I would trade in my laundry and housework for a housekeeper (which I have!), meal planning and cooking for a chef (on my list), and carpooling to school and sporting events for a chauffeured limo driver! While that sounds nice the fact is it’s not realistic- so what I’ve done instead is found a way to make ordinary days extraordinary by putting the power of play into everything I do. The result is I’m laughing more, relaxed, less serious and more in tune to life and the many joys in it.

If you’re reading this blog then odds are you are a mother and wife who also manages a full time, chaotic work schedule. You do everything for everyone but you. I would like to be your voice of reason and my goal is to inspire you to step back, relax, take the pressure off and start to add play into your day. At first it will seem a little odd- if not crazy; but I promise, you will feel more alive than ever before! So the next time your kids are playing, get in the game! Sing at the top of your lungs when hearing your favorite song, skip to get the mall, put the windows down, let the wind blow through your hair and find pictures in the clouds. Life is rich and full of wonder- sadly the woman, bogged down by life is missing it all. Open your eyes, take a deep breath and make the decision to get your girl back once and for all.

 If you’d like to join in on the fun and get my blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.  You can also share your own stories and ideas here on my blog or on my Facebook Fan page at Get Your Girl Back movement. I can’t wait to hear from you.

Written by Traci Bild, Author and Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

The Best Excuse to Get out of Exercise, Cooking and Sex!

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“I don’t have the time.”

For most of us women, this is one of our all-time favorite cop outs. Ask me why I don’t work out and my answer is, “I’m too busy, I simply don’t have time.” Challenge me on the importance of cooking healthy meals rather than running through a fast food restaurant after a long night at gymnastics with Paris and my answer is, “I would love to but I don’t have time.” Remind me that I have a gorgeous and loving husband who needs my attention and a sense of connection and my answer is, “I don’t have the time or energy.”

Sound familiar? The truth is women don’t have time to exercise, cook healthy meals or spend time with their partners. Between working forty hours or more outside the home, the commute to and from work, after school activities, homework, never-ending cleaning and laundry as well as the rare attempt to cram in the chapter of a book or a mindless television show to shut off the brain…finding additional time is sort of like glimpsing a double rainbow- it’s magical yet rare.

If you’re sort of sighing with relief… in knowing that you are not alone, I would like to ask you a deeper question- “Is this how you really want to live?” You know that you have to stay healthy and that means getting regular exercise and eating properly…if you are in a relationship, you’re in it probably because you love the person you are with. The result of making excuses is only going to create more deep seeded guilt and anxiety over not doing what you know you need to do! I know it’s crazy, right?  

I remember sitting in my kitchen and unbuttoning my Mrs. Me Jeans because my belly was hanging over them and it was uncomfortable. “It’s just a muffin top,” I thought- I have two kids! But then I didn’t just feel it but stood in front of a mirror and looked at it, yes my muffin top- Blueberry, peanut butter, chocolate or whatever it was…it was no longer just a muffin but a full blown entrée!  How was this possible (I wondered) – overall, I eat healthily…or was I?

That day, I did something different. I decided to stop making excuses. Instead of hiding behind the famous, “I don’t have the time,” I realized that I had to make the time. The fact is, a flat stomach wasn’t a priority to me, but good health was. It dawned on me that at 44 I was collecting an extra 5 pounds or so a year and that by the time I was 50, those Mrs. Me jeans would long be gone and on someone more fit to wear them.

It was time to own up and take stock of my life, the things that mattered most to me- my health, my family, and my sanity.  I literally removed the words, “I don’t have time” from my vocabulary. Instead I learned to say, “It’s not a priority.” At least this way I own it.

So I got serious about my health…reflecting back I now see that I was eating way too many carbs, skipping meals, living on lattes and getting exercise in every so often. Now, when I plan my weekly calendar, I make sure that fitness, meal planning, family fun and date night are all built in and color coded in my calendar. I’m treating the things I care about as the priorities they are. I feel more in control of my life because there’s no one to blame things on anymore. All I have to do is look in the mirror and take ownership.

It’s not easy being a woman in the 21st Century- in fact, it’s damn near impossible not to crawl up into fetal position and hide in a corner.  The best antidote is to fight back- with fun, adventure, laughter and a commitment to stay focused on the priorities that matter most in your life. To give the time and attention to those things- that at the end of the day, really do matter most. Then and only then will you feel less anxious, more inspired and empowered as a woman, wife, mother, daughter and friend. While only four words, “I don’t have the time”- they hold tremendous power. I challenge you to take that power back starting today by eliminating them from your vocabulary.

Written by Traci Bild Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement- (www.GYGB.com)

Releasing Guilt by Guest Blogger Melody Stevenson, Author of Time Millionaire & Founder of Mozart’s & Einstein’s Pre-School in NYC

I would like to open this blog by introducing the amazing Melody Stevens. While she won’t say it, I will bet she has literally invested sweat, blood and tears into creating what is now the most prestigious pre-school for the arts and academics in NYC. I am so proud of Melody and happened to speak with her last week while she was taking a rare day to herself. Knowing how hard this was for her to do, I begged her to write a blog for our Get Your Girl Back readers because for most of us the guilt over taking time for ourselves is paralyzing. Not only did Melody take a day for herself, she has embarked on a new way of living, where she is prioritizing, lightening her work load, delegating, and simply letting go. It’s so powerful to see and such an important lesson for all of us. So on with Melody’s blog post…

Free Time? Wow!

In the past few days, I’ve found myself with extra time. Some from cancelled appointments due to snow, but mostly because I’ve successfully built two brick and mortar businesses, one in NJ and one in NY that have come to run day to day without me. My brand new NY business took about three months in operation before I could leave the premises full time. I generally go into NY about once or twice a week now, but I’m fairly useless if I hang out there for more than a few hours, so this is really recent. Thank you to my dream teams in both states.

Taking Control

Another reason I have extra time is because I just hired a brand new nanny for my daughter who is a nutrition major and she is fun, upbeat, and my daughter loves her. For the past few days I’ve been coming home to delicious and healthy home cooked meals, a clean home, and a happy daughter who has all her homework and music practicing done.

And so, what’s a woman to do when she has found herself with a few days of not working full time and not caring for her family full time? Struggle with guilt, of course!

So, what IS there to do besides work and family? This question plagued me in my late teens and twenties, and now, in my forties, it still does.

  • Really? I have three hours a day to work out in the gym like a movie star?
  • I can go to a day spa and hang out in a whirlpool?
  • I can read and write and work on my recovery from compulsive eating? Seriously?
  • I can spend hours a day doing things to “get my girl back?” (Thank you Traci Bild for the “Get Your Girl Back” movement. www.gygb.com)!

Guilt, Guilt, Guilt!

But, but, but, what does that make me? Lazy? Self-centered? Selfish? How dare I spend this time right now in Starbucks- after enjoying a latte- writing to you while my husband is working his 9-5 corporate job and a nanny is picking up my daughter in an hour?

I’m about to attend a yoga class. This morning I attended a support group meeting for food addiction. Earlier this afternoon I tuned into a Geneen Roth course…..

Maybe a little later I can take some time and just do nothing. No TV, no video games….nothing. Sounds pretty heavenly actually. I think I will have to go to the library or something in order to do to nothing. :-).

I’m sure there’s plenty more I could be doing besides working and taking care of my family…how about just hanging out with friends? Ha-ha that’s making me a little giddy; although I think my friends might feel guilty taking time away from work and family just to hang out. Oy.

Why do I feel the need to tell you that I DID check my emails and I DID check in on my business today? Because I imagine some business guru out on the stratospheres somewhere or a shark from the show “Shark Tank” will shame me for taking the WHOLE day off. So, I’m telling you now, I DID check in. Which is strange because many of the most successful business people that I most respect actually advocate at least one day a week totally “unplugged!”

Okay, so at least intellectually I realize that the hours and/or days I spend working on and investing in myself, and doing things that just plain feel good are some of the most important times I spend. I do realize that it’s always a wise investment.

A New Way of Living

And, I know that precisely because I’ve had some “me” time in the past couple of days, I have had more patience, compassion, presence of mind, and love for the two most important people in my life, my husband and my daughter. For two nights now I’ve been what I consider a very caring and loving wife and mother.

Most days, I’ve not had this level of patience or presence for them. So right now I am-

  • Breathing.
  • And, working on releasing the guilt once and for all.
Melody Stevens

Melody Stevens

 

 

Written by Guest Blogger Melody Stevens, Author of Time Millionaire and founder of Mozart’s & Einstein’s Pre-School for arts & academics. You can learn more about Melody at http://melodystevens.net/

If you’d like to get the daily Get Your Girl Back blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to.

Mom With Twins Makes Pact With Hubby for ONE Night a Week- Script Provided to Make it Happen in Your Home!

Time for You

Written by Guest Contributor Jennifer Ruyle.

With everything going on in our lives it’s so darn easy to overlook carving out time for ourselves, even just for a few hours. Blah Blah Blah. Not quite ladies.  From the moment I had my twins, now eight years old, I made a pact with my husband. One night during the week I would get my own night, and one night a week he would get his own night. Before you start objecting and saying…”well my husband couldn’t handle dinner or the kids need me to do this or that at bedtime or I worked all day won’t get to tuck in little Johnny”…here’s a thought – it’s ONE night.  No one will starve, no one will combust, no one will hate you.  So here’s how it goes.  Tuesdays are my night starting at 6pm when my husband arrives home, grumpy or not. I either go to a yoga class, grab some friends and get dinner, shop a bookstore or sit in my car listening to old 70s tunes. I return about 9pm – definitely after the kids are in their slumber. In turn, my husband chooses his night to go play softball in his very competitive over 40 league.

The key is this ONE night doesn’t negate a date night – which I do know realistically can’t always happen every week. But, unless there is a recital or major illness, my hubby and I have stuck to our ONE night for the past 8 years.  And I believe we are all happier for it.  It’s easy to make excuses, but if you and your husband can’t make this happen, then it’s going to be a long road ahead.  It’s a win-win for both of you so no one should be complaining. It’s a positive change you can make right now. The house may be a mess when you get home, and dinner may not be gourmet those two nights, but who cares.

Common obstacles:

Kids: “You’re going to yoga again this week…”         

YOU: “Yes, the more fit I am, the longer I will live for you.”

Kids: “Don’t leave Mommy, Daddy makes us eat weird food.”      

YOU:  “Mommy needs playdates, too right?”

Husband:  “So what should we do after dinner…”                      

YOU:  “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out. Have fun.”

Husband:  Sheer look of terror as you grab your keys to go.           

YOU:  Ignore or plant a very long kiss on his face. Then give a sultry goodbye.

And if you or your husband can’t think of anything to do on your ONE night, just ask for ideas by posting a comment to the blog post…I have trillions of ideas of how you can spend 2-3 hours enriching your life, YOUR LIFE, too.

If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to (we are starting a free 10 week class for our Ambassadors on January 7th so if you have not signed up yet, now is the time). If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!

 <a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>Hyper Smash</a>

Grandmother, Mother, and Daughter, the Generational Shift That Stole Your Girl

TODAY’S FOCUS IS: MANAGE

3 generations of women

When you were in fourth grade, that special year that research shows girls have the most self-confidence, what did you think you would do when you grew up? Come on; think back, do you remember? My daughter Paris is in fifth grade and her thoughts might spark memories. Here are a few of her possibilities; “I want to be a mom, take over mommies companies Get Your Girl Back and Bild & Company, be a school teacher, or maybe a gymnastics teacher…” anything ring a bell? If not, ask your daughter or niece this very important question, “What do you think you will do when you grow up?”

Two Full Time Jobs

I imagine that the answer, “I will work two full time jobs” never got onto that list and the very thought of your daughter or niece doing that terrifies you. Yet the fact is, that is what most women are doing. They start at the crack of dawn, getting kids ready for school, only to head off to a day job that ends at 4 or 5, then head back home for the most important job of all, parenting and wife- the managing of a beautiful family to include cooking, cleaning, tutoring, carpooling, sporting events, laundry, grocery shopping, and more. Normally that job ends around 9 pm when everyone is safely tucked into bed and the last dishes are put away, loose shoes put in the shoe basket, and back packs set by the door. While you may love your life and wouldn’t trade it for anything, the question to ask is “How do you manage it all without losing track of yourself?”

The Generational Divide

Odds are your grandmother didn’t work and if she did boy was she a trailblazer! In most cases, her full time job was the raising of her family and managing of her home. Her daughter, quite possibly your mother, was raised to be like her mom, to be a homemaker. Yet something happened- people started to get divorced and if your mom is anything like mine, these women were unprepared. With little job training or college behind them, they were forced to enter the workforce, work two to three jobs to survive, and in many cases, even marry- not for love but to put a roof over their children’s heads. Life for many of our mothers was not was they expected.

Then there are the women of my generation, those who watched from the side as our mothers struggled to survive, find work, and make a place for themselves in the world.  We became determined- we would not rely on anyone to take care of us, we would work, and provide for ourselves. So off to college we went! Fast forward to today- Women are unprepared- and rightly so! In the span of three generations, women went from one job to two; yet extra hours were not added to the day, we simply have had to learn how to manage it all and the one thing that regularly falls off the list is YOU.

As women who both work at home and outside the home, putting in sixteen hour days, it’s more important than ever to focus on systems that will help you better manage your life.  This is what Get Your Girl Back is all about. Reading these daily blogs will serve as a guide to help you on this wonderful journey called life! My goal today is to help you understand why at times, you might feel like you are going to go crazy and to know that you are not alone. My mom recently got me a sign that reads, “Some call it chaos, we call it family.” I love this sign and so enjoy the chaos- yet in that chaos is order, fun, adventure, and pure bliss. I want to help you learn how to keep all the good, yummy parts of your life and repair those that are broken and not-so good right now. Odds are there is more good than bad so with a little focus you can reignite your passion and create a life by design, not circumstance.

So ponder today’s message, take it in. Then, commit to learn, grow and implement new ideas into your life and if you have a daughter, teach her what you learn so she understands how to keep her girl, front and center- then there will never be a need to get her back!

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

<a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>Hypersmash.com</a>

 

 

 

2 Steps to Defy the Battlefield of the Mind!

This sign sits on my desk and I read it daily, a favorite!

This sign sits on my desk and I read it daily, a favorite!

Posting today from Breckenridge, Colorado! Each year we come up as a family to ski and I find it one of the most challenging things I do all year. The reason I love to ski is because it’s not just physical ability but MENTAL ability too. 

Every day when I come off the lift, I stare down that darn mountain. I literally have to fight for control of my thoughts. What starts as “Are you kidding me, no way!” Becomes, “Bring it on! If these little kids can do it, I can do it. What’s the worse thing that can happen? I’ll fall and boom, I’ll get back up!” Believe me, a fight goes on in my mind but I refuse to let it win. I’m getting down that mountain and having fun!

Can you Relate?

I imagine you can relate to what I’m saying even though you may not be skiing right now! How many times this week did something happen that caused a mental battle in your mind? So much of what we do or don’t do starts with that is going on in our head. Get Your Girl Back is about mindset more than anything else. When you think you can do anything, you can. 

The next time that mental battle starts, whether it’s in regards to finances, health, relationships, career, guilt or something else, get in control. Here is how:

1. Restate your thoughts. When that defeating thought comes to your mind, restate it. For example:

“I look horrible, I’m getting so old!”

Restate: “I feel great, am healthy and in control of my health! It’s good to be alive!”

2. Fake it til you make it: While you might not believe what you say right away, trust me- the more you start to do this, restate your thoughts, the stronger that mental brain muscle becomes. You have to train it to think about what you want, can do and will have and it will respond in kind! 

I know, it sounds really simple right? It is! We are the ones that make life difficult. You must learn to give your brain a job and that job is to support, encourage and believe in you when no one else will! If you going to fight for someone, why not fight for yourself? Starting this moment, pay attention to your thoughts, restate when need be and start to take hold of the power you have over the results in your life!

If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!