UPDATE ON LAST WEEK’S POPULAR BLOG- HOW MY 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER LOST PART OF HER GIRL

Paris on bars- Being a champion is about ability and character, both must be built.

Paris on bars- Being a champion is about ability and character, both must be built.

Sharing the story of what happened to my ten year old daughter Paris last week on my blog, http://bit.ly/1djkyGQ was really difficult. It’s not always easy to open up and share your wounds with other people. Yet it seems that her experience resonated with our readers in a powerful way. I’ve had many questions from wonderful people about “the rest of the story,” so here it is.

If you have not read the blog yet, please do so now http://bit.ly/1djkyGQ and then come back to this one.

In response to Paris’s experience at gymnastics, I scheduled an appointment to go in and talk with her coach. However, I would not be doing the talking, Paris would. Dave and I asked the coach to sit down with Paris and explain to her personally what was going on. When we picked Paris up from school she asked why both Dave and I were in the car and why we were going to the gym with her. We responded that she had an appointment with her coach and that we were simply there to support her. That she needed to find out why she was being yanked from her team workout, ask as many questions as she had, and decide what she wanted to do going forward. This was her deal, not ours. The important lesson we wanted to impart, no matter how hard it was on our hearts was that as a girl of ten, she needed to start handling her own problems and learn how to resolve them, communicate and process her emotions versus daddy and I swooping in to save her!

The Truth Hurts…

While very difficult to admit, her coach was probably correct in moving Paris to another group. Coming from a different gym two years ago, with different methods, Paris was still catching up at this elite gym. Loving gymnastics for the sport, not the competition, she was falling behind in comparison to the girls “there to win.” The coach explained everything and apologized for the way she informed Paris, in front of her peers-that she would no longer be part of the group.

I asked Paris, who was devastated just a day prior, what she wanted to do. Her options were to quit, move to a different gym, go into a group that was not competitive or press forward and show people what she was made of and fight to get back into the group she loves. She chose to stay right where she was, in the group her coach moved her to. I was so proud of her. Through my pain as a mom, watching my little girl face the trials of growing up, I prayed she would make this choice. We’ve faced tough things before and I’ve tried to make sure she knows that it is not what happens in life but how you respond to what happens that matters.

On a Mission…

The night we got home from the gym, Paris moved her balance beam up from the garage to the living room. Is this love or what? I now have a floor level beam in my living room and a gymnast on it around the clock. Yet I know this time will pass… and if this is what it takes to show our love and support, we’ll keep that darn balance beam in the living room for as long as it takes.

The next six months will be hard for Paris, she will feel many emotions as she watches her best friends all work out together four days a week while she is in a group with girls she doesn’t know. She will deal with her humiliation, feelings of inadequacies, (perceived) failure and embarrassment. Yet those emotions, I have a strong feeling, will begin to build a new part of her character, strengthen her resolve to prove she is capable and just might produce a champion who  was lying within; waiting to be awoken!

What I Learned….God Help Me!

As a mom it was so hard to not jump in and fix this problem for Paris. I was literally screaming and crying inside, having never seen her in that emotional state before I wanted to go into the gym and demand they put her back into her regular team practice group, with her teammates that she loved- tell them they were wrong, or had made a mistake. Yet in my heart, I knew this would not prepare her for the world. So moms, when the going gets tough and you face a moment like we did, which you will, remember this story, reach out to us for support, and know that a caterpillar cannot become a butterfly if a person helps it break out of its cocoon. It must struggle and fight to get out and in doing so its wings strengthen; which in turn allows it to fly. If you want your child to fly, you must let her (or him) struggle to grow her wings.

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.  If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to.

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues

 

 

 

 

  

Busy Moms- Schedule So Packed You Have Forgotten to Schedule in Time to Live?

I've always loved to play dress up!

I’ve always loved to play dress up!

It’s Friday and in my effort to keep my girl, I’m sailing off to Tampa tomorrow to become a wench pirate for the weekend as Dave and I dive into the fun of Gasparilla.  We have done this event for close to a decade and it’s one of my favorite weekends of the year. We will get on our boat Endurance in the morning and head off to Tampa from Clearwater, which takes about four hours. During the trip I will read, day dream, sleep, glimpse dolphins, take in Dave as he captains away, and smell the sea salt as it drifts through the air.

We will dock up behind the Marriott for a weekend of fun. To gain passage onto our boat you must be in full pirate dress and ready to enter another place and time. We will spend all day Saturday on deck entertaining pirates, throwing beads, eating, talking, laughing, dancing and having plain old fashioned FUN! My girl loves this event! As long as I can remember I have loved to get dressed up and pretend I’m someone else- Check out my picture from last year, ha!

A World That Never Stops

In a world that never stops…where there is so much to do that at times we forget to breathe, you must make time for fun. If your weekends are packed with non-stop activities, and it’s not really like a weekend, then consider making a change. You must find time to relax, decompress and just be. If you don’t have downtime, you will forget to laugh, cry, play, and be a girl. You cannot just do, do and do. So ask yourself right now, “When was the last time you simply had fun? When did you last do nothing? If you had a day or two free, what would YOU do with it?”

A big reason women lose their girl is because the woman buries her in responsibility! Every hour on the family calendar is crammed with something to do, some place to go…a sporting event, tutoring session, lesson of some sort, it never ends. Did you have a calendar like this as a child? Stop to think…your mother might have worked all day while you were in school but she could come HOME after work, relax a little bit with the family, watch some television, tend to a hobby, and eat dinner with the family. Moms today don’t have the luxury. They are at work all day and at kid type events all night only to run home, have an hour to clean up, do some laundry, and drop into bed and hit REPLAY all over again six to eight hours later! This is no way to live and you will not be able to sustain it forever. The price is too high: Anxiety, exhaustion, frustration, depression, anger, lack of connection with your partner, and more.

So just for today, FRIDAY and maybe even for tomorrow, SATURDAY, cut yourself some slack. Relax, have some downtime and DO NOT feel guilty. Give yourself the gift of free time, connection, laughter, joy and freedom. Come Monday, ponder if just perhaps you can reconsider your schedule, take control and modify it a bit to allow time to LIVE.

If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!

 

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

<a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>HyperSmash.com</a>

 

 

 

One Thing You Do Not Want to Take to the Grave with You

angel of grief

My dear friend Delatorro McNeal wrote a book entitled Robbing the Grave of its Greatness. In his book he describes how the graveyard is the richest place on Earth. In it lie unwritten books, unfinished screenplays, song ideas, and half-finished inventions…

When I first read this it stopped me dead in my tracks. I for sure did not want to be one of those people who took my dreams to the grave. I wanted to give life to my dreams, see them manifest, and utilized to make a difference in the world. What about you?

This Holiday season I challenge you to take a good hard look at your dreams. As we approach yet another year, you have the opportunity to take your dream and turn it into a reality. While it might seem easier to just wait and push it off a bit longer, consider the graveyard- how many people thought the same thing? Decide to pursue your dream and to reap the rewards for a job well done; now, while you can.

If there is one thing we can agree on, it’s that life is going fast. I was standing in my kitchen this morning, re-heating my coffee for the third time when a thought hit me. “Someday this will all be gone. My kids will be grown, we will move to a different home, it will be quiet and I’ll be left with my memories.” While great to have, it brought a sting of tears to my eyes instantly. “I don’t want my memories, I want my now!” I thought. So I reaffirmed in my mind that I would welcome this chaos we call family, the noise, the mess, the rush, the to do list and every darn thing that goes with it. I would continue to do everything within my power to give life to this movement, no matter how hard it is and I will savor every splendid moment I can, I would live in the now.

Stop for a moment yourself, look around, and ponder your life. Allow yourself to take it all in, even if for a moment. Then step back and reflect on how short the time is that you have left. I don’t want to depress you but instead inspire you. My goal is to help create urgency in regards to your dreams and goals, no matter what they are. Are you possibly in the prime of your life? What else are you capable of, what dream lives in your heart that is still unfinished? Do you want to bring that dream to life or take it to the grave with you one day? So finish that book of poetry, go after that invention, write your software, take that course, paint the picture…all you have to do is take the first step and keep walking. Let me and the women in our movement support you because you can do it. Visit http://gygb.com/join-the-movement/.

 

Written by Traci Bild

Author and Creator of the Get Your Girl Back movement

 

From the Days of Our Lives to the Hours of Our Lives

“Mommy, how many hours have I been alive?” While waiting in the car line, this is what Noah, my just turned seven year old son asked me. I love children and odds are if you’re reading this you have them too and know how profound their questions can be. Curious, I grabbed my calculator and determined Noah had been alive a total of 52,560 hours. I then punched in my own numbers to find that I have been alive 367,920 hours to date. Compared to Noah, that’s a long time and that was confirmed by Noah as he jovially exclaimed, “Wow, that’s a long time!”

Oddly enough, I’ve never thought of my life in hours. It’s always been days, months, or years. Looking at my life in hours gave me a whole new perspective. I couldn’t help but think about what I had done just that morning or what was on the schedule for that afternoon. We oftentimes look at what we have done with our life but not with the hours that fill the days of our lives.

Chunk Your Days

If you were to chunk your days into hour time slots, what would you find? How many hours do you spend in the car, at work, sporting events, watching television, cooking dinner, doing laundry, carpooling, doing homework, or whatever it is you do on a daily basis? Do you find yourself in a good mood or bad mood when doing these things? For example, some people love to cook while others hate it. An hour in the kitchen might be pure misery to you while to someone else it’s where they find their solace.

After having this conversation with Noah, I decided to examine my life a little bit closer. I took the time to write down my typical day and week. Upon review I realized that a large chunk of my time was spent cleaning, doing laundry, and simply trying to keep up the house. While at times I find cleaning therapeutic, the reality was that most days it was downright exhausting. With a demanding business taking my time during the day and sports, dinner, and homework consuming my night, I realized that these two things, cleaning and laundry were sucking the life out of me and were the source of my ultimate frustration.

Take Charge

I decided to do something about it. Although I have a housekeeper I’ve used and trusted for years, who comes in once a week, I decided to add an extra day to her schedule. The focus of that added day would be laundry and household organization. Not wanting to permanently increase my expenses in this area, I decided to just try it and see what kind of impact it had on my life. Well the verdict is in, I have had Carmen coming twice a week for two months now and I will tell you that without a doubt, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. While there is a considerable expenses associated having a housekeeper twice a week, I get something more valuable in return, time! Rather than running around cleaning and doing laundry, I get to go on bike rides with my kids after school, swim in the pool with them or just play a board game. I don’t feel overwhelmed at all and more importantly, when I come home from business trips, there is nothing to do, it’s already done. The laundry baskets are empty; clothes are washed, folded and put away. I’m constantly surprised when I open a closet or drawer to find Carmen has been there and it’s all tidied up (and I didn’t have to do it).

While this may not be a realistic option for you, it was transforming for me. I run a multi-million dollar company with a sizable staff and it requires frequent travel. Time, not money is my greatest resource. In short, by hiring Carmen, I am buying more time; a beautiful exchange. I am happier, laughing more, relaxed and more than willing to give up that new pair of shoes or item I might buy at the mall in exchange for her services and the freedom it brings to my life.

Make Your Move

What about you? Perhaps you are a stay at home mom but find you spend so much time carpooling that you can’t get dinner cooked and on the table. As a result you end up eating out four to five nights a week. What kind of impact does that have on your health and family budget? In this example, you might consider purchasing readymade meals from a gourmet chef. There are many options today and great Chefs will prepare delicious and healthy menus where all you have to do is pull from the freezer and heat in the oven. I have used these types of services in the past and will tell you that in most cases you end up eating healthier, spending less money on food as a whole, and are able to enjoy time around the table as a family. How would that feel in contrast?

My challenge to you is to take some time today to consider your day, where the hours of your life go, and which of those bring you the most aggravation. Then, brainstorm ways you might bring change that will allow you to instead enjoy those hours and in turn your life. Something as simple as changing the words, “I have to clean” to “it’s time to do some home caring,” and putting on great music, lighting candles and changing the mood of the experience can make a huge impact. Whatever your challenge, you won’t Get Your Girl Back if you don’t make your move and decided to remove stressful daily triggers from your life. Leave the guilt by the wayside and girlfriend, just do it!