relationships

3 New Habits to Reduce Stress and Anxiety and Make Room for Your Girl!

February 23, 2014

I was born in June and my zodiac sign is Cancer- or the crab. It’s said that when a crab feels overwhelmed she will crawl back into her shell, nest, and isolate herself from the world to find comfort. While I don’t understand our birth signs, I do know this description is spot on for me.

It seems no matter how hard I try to pace myself and live in the moment, it’s a daily battle to keep my girl front and center and in charge. I long for the days when we would drive to work or school listening to the radio, singing at the top of our lungs rather than talking on our cell phones and checking messages at every stop light. I miss having neighbors who liked to chat, pull their lawn chairs up and simply talk. I miss the sounds of children playing games outside in the front yard…now replaced by scheduled sporting events, video games and endless homework. While I love the convenience of modern life, at times I feel it’s stolen the good life.

One of the greatest challenges you will face on your journey to get your girl back, is slowing down. It almost seems counter intuitive. How do you slow down in a world that is moving faster and faster every day? Just yesterday I was reading through PR opportunities and one of them was on sleep. They were looking for an expert who could talk about life without sleep and why it’s such a waste of time and if it were possible, to engineer ourselves to not need sleep! Can you believe that? I want to cry just thinking about it (yes, you can rant here on the comment section of my blog too). While some do consider it a waste of time, it terrifies me to think what would happen to my spirit and sanity if I didn’t sleep? It’s the only time my brain gets a break.

So how do you slow down? Where do you find the time to work ON your life versus constantly living IN it? Here are three strategies- give one or more a try and I promise you will get a little bit closer to finding your girl and entering a new state of living: New Habits to Start Working on Today!

Put it Away: I dare you to just try to put your cell phone away or out of reach for blocked periods of time throughout the day. First of all, charge your phone AWAY from your bed, perhaps in the bathroom when you go to sleep. Put it on do not disturb and resist all temptation to check messages, text or social updates after a set hour. For me its 8 pm. Give yourself the gift of unplugging. Most of us aren’t doctors and no one is going to die if we don’t immediately respond. If that’s the case for you then set up rules that work for your situation. This one step will immediately improve your sleep, anxiety, and stress levels. It won’t be easy so be prepared. However, once you learn this new habit, of exercising cell phone self-control, you will feel empowered to develop other new habits to fuel happiness in your life. Other no-phone times to consider are dinnertime and morning (keep reading).
Keep it Away: Oh, I know this is so hard but consider how good it would feel to leave your cell phone in its place until after breakfast? Imagine waking up, getting ready listening to music or the news, making breakfast, talking to your family, and starting your day peacefully rather than in an instant panic over what you have to do (flooded in box, numerous texts, etc.).
Stop Multi-tasking: Okay, this goes against everything we do as women but I promise, it will change your life. If you have noticed, men do one thing at a time and do it well. Women? We can literally do up to five things at once. While we may do it well, the fact is we do everything on autopilot and at the end of the day don’t even recall what we did. In short, we are missing our very lives! Just try to do one thing at a time and allow yourself to slow down, breathe, and pace yourself in a moderate manner. I know, crazy right? There is something incredibly freeing about allowing yourself to do one thing at a time.

Okay, so I’ve mastered the power of my mind, I know how to change my mental state quickly and can recognize when I’m in a funk. Even with this experience, I still struggle to maintain control over my emotions and thought process- the very things that create stress and anxiety for most of us! For some reason, the brain finds it so much easier to think negatively, worry, fret and ponder everything that can possibly go wrong. Because I’ve trained my brain I enter these states less often than most people. You can say that I’m aware of what’s going on up there and trust me, it helps tremendously. So- as you begin to implement these habits I’ve shared with you, you too will be further training your brain to do what you want it to do versus what it wants to do.

You can slow down, savor the moment and be more present in your life. To make it happen you must decide it’s something you want to do and then step by step begin to take action on those things that steal your joy and in turn your girl. So stop right now and consider the small steps you can take to make big gains in your life. I would love to hear from you as well so please, share what you do to reduce stress and anxiety here on my blog or on our Facebook page at the Get Your Girl Back movement.

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Register at www.GYGB.com.

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

Choose Love

February 14, 2014

Moms & Girls- Lessons in Love!

February 14, 2014

BLOG FOR GIRLS AGED 8-17

THIS VALENTINE’S DAY… 3 TIPS TO KEEP IT REAL; JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS (mom, lessons for you in here too!)

Everywhere you look there are boxes of chocolate, red roses, greeting cards, and images of love. For girls, this can be a really confusing time. Sure, everything is great if you’re in love… and things are going well. Yet if you’re alone or feeling as if you are the only girl without a Valentine, this can be a crappy time of year. Today’s message is for girls, 8-17, and their mothers, aunties and friends who wish to share this message as well as a little bonding time talking about the age old topic of love.

Enter Twilight…

I’ll never forget the day I saw my niece Kayla, who was in high school at the time, carrying around a huge book. “What’s that book about?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine a kid reading a book over 300 pages since the Harry Potter series- seriously, it had to be good. She told me the name was Twilight so I immediately went out and bought it. I had never heard of the book and it wasn’t all the rage (yet) as I had never even heard of it. Yet I was so curious due to the sheer size of the book and thought, “I’m going to check it out.” So I purchased myself a copy.

Oh my! I had no idea what I was about to get into. Odds are you have read Twilight yourself. I was completely consumed by this book (I’m a hopeless romantic okay?). I told my mom about it and she too became entrapped by the pages of Twilight. What blew my mind was that three generations of women, all from different times, felt completely taken by this book- And thus is the lure and draw of love. All of us could relate.

After finishing Twilight and hearing about it everywhere, literally- I asked Kayla how she liked the book. Her response was completely different than mine or her grandmas. It seemed that the author had this amazing ability to pull us all into the book, as if we were there, experiencing FIRST love all over again- it was intoxicating. Yet for Kayla, who had never been in love, it didn’t resonate the same. She had never experienced her first love so she couldn’t possibly miss it! Ha!

First love…

So here we are, back to the topic at hand- love. For girls, love can be confusing, right? If you’ve never been in love, how do you know when you are in love and how do you know its real love and not just infatuation?

I can’t answer that question exactly because in truth, it’s something you will simply know. But- to know for sure, love needs time to grow. Our society is so quick to pressure young girls to grow up fast- get a cell phone, post on social media, watch music videos with pathetic role models like Miley Cyrus, be uber skinny, pick your college major- in 9^th grade (if not sooner)…where does it end?

If you are a girl, trust me, you will be grown up soon enough so don’t rush it- especially when it comes to true love. So here are a few tips about dating or falling in love:

Demand Respect: If you are of the age that you are starting to date, whether it’s meeting at the roller rink or movies, or going on full blown “I’ll pick you up at 6” dates, it’s really important that the boy you date, whether once or more, respects you. This means that he listens to your opinion, as well as respects them- whether it’s the movie you want to see or your stance of the rules of dating that you hold dear. He must look you in the eye when talking and “call me old fashioned”, but he should open the door for you and treat you like the lady you are. If something feels “off” emotionally and you feel like you want to cry or like a knife just went through your heart due to something he said that wasn’t appropriate, politely work to end the date early, call your parents, and or make it a point to not date this boy again.

Give it time: Everything is always so exciting in the beginning. Trust me, even your mom and dad probably thought they would die if they didn’t see each other for a day when they started dating. While you may feel like picking up the phone and making that call every hour or so- texting, posting messages on his facebook and more- resist the temptation and leave room for some mystery. He should wonder where you are, what you are doing, and why you are not falling all over him. I know its soooo hard but you don’t want to appear desperate. Also, if you start to feel pressured, as if the boy you are dating or pursing is trying to rush things that you know are not appropriate, trust your gut and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.

Trust your instinct: This is the most important thing I want to say to you. All of us have this little voice inside, called our instinct. Sadly, we don’t learn to really use or trust it until we are all grown up. The biggest challenge for girls in trusting their instinct is that your instinct or gut feeling normally goes against the very thing you want to do! So- while you are thinking, “Yes, this is right!” your gut is saying, “No, I don’t like this, it just doesn’t feel right.” I know it’s hard but I can’t tell you enough how important it is to start listening to your instinct and to trust it. Amazingly enough, that internal voice is part of your DNA, an animal instinct of sorts- you must listen to it because rarely is it wrong. If your gut says, “Leave this situation now,” just do it- even if having fun. You have this internal messaging system for a reason so learn to use it as it can literally save your life.

In closing…

Ah love- there is nothing like it, you can’t fight it, and you won’t ever fully understand it. It’s an amazing feeling that you will only experience once or twice in your lifetime so take your time and don’t rush it. If you have questions, ask your mom, auntie or person who shared this with you. You can also reach out to me at Traci@GYGB.com.

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. Moms and aunties- Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Sign up now for free at http://gygb.com/life-series/

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

10 Questions To Ask Yourself This Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2014

Want to Get Your Girl Back? Each Tuesday, our topic is personal growth. Since it’s the week of love, I would like to continue the conversation around relationships. Yesterday I talked to you about strategies you could use to put focus on improving the relationships in your life. Today, I would like to zero in on specific questions to help you reflect and ponder a little further ways you can grow passion in your relationship.

As you contemplate the words “personal growth” ask yourself the following questions:

How long have you been in the relationship you are in?
How have you changed since the inception of that relationship?
Has your relationship grown in its love and passion or begun to fizzle out?
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life right now?
What needs to happen to make it a ten?
If you just got out of a relationship, what did you learn, how will you use that life lesson to grow and understand how to make better choices next time?

You can’t grow by remaining what you are. It’s so easy to look at our partners and find everything wrong with them. Today is about looking in the mirror and reflecting internally. Unless you answered, “10” on the scale of 1-10, I would like to ask you the following questions:

What is one thing you can do differently to improve your relationship, starting today?
- Offer daily complements and words of support
- Say I love you every day
- Ask an open-ended question about your partner’s day? Ex. So is anything exciting going on at work?
- Is there something you find yourself doing regularly, that you know makes your partner feel bad, and that you will commit to stopping immediately?
  - Nagging
  - Complaining
  - Blaming him for things going on in your life that he has no control over other than being the source of your frustration?
  - Do the clothes you wear or the look you have created match the way you want to feel when you see your partner on a daily basis?
    - Could it be time to trade sweats for cute jeans?
    - Why not leave your hair down rather than pull it up?
    - How would it feel to put on a little make up? Even just some fun lipstick!
    - How often do you make eye contact, true “look me in the eyes, I see you” eye contact?

These questions, while easy to answer, hold clues as to the strength of your current relationship. I realize not everyone is married, some are recently divorced, and others widowed. We are not all in the same situation. Yet if there is one thing I know for sure it’s that we were built to be with someone who will love and support us. It’s not in our nature to be alone- so whether you think so or not, if you don’t have a Valentine this year, odds are next year you will. So- my question to you is what kind of relationship do you want?

If you are going to spend your life a person, isn’t it important to you that it’s enjoyable, fun, and interesting? Just because you’ve been with someone for ten, fifteen or twenty years doesn’t mean it can’t be spicy and exciting! Yet to get that feeling, YOU have to put the time and energy in to create it. You must be mindful of creating a beautiful relationship – the one you always dreamed you would have! Self-reflection is the best place to start because we can’t change others- we can only change ourselves. The cool thing is that once you begin to put in effort and implement small changes, your partner will notice and begin to reciprocate. Think about it- everyone wants to be in love, to feel special, wanted, needed, and encouraged; including your special Valentine.

Stop right now, list out three things you will do to grow in your relationship this year. Get inspired!

1._______________________________________________

2._______________________________________________

3._______________________________________________

Now think about how it will feel to see your relationship improve. Keep in mind that it’s going to take a concentrated effort and focus to see real change. Don’t get frustrated- instead, go on a mission to bring your girl back into the relationship and laugh more, put on music instead of the television and dance (no need for a special occasion), dine together as a family and bond over the amazing unit you have created, light a candle, talk, put on something pretty, do your hair, dab on a little makeup, spray a touch of perfume, and make the effort to let him know that you are lighting the flame in hopes of bringing the spark back into your love life!

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues