parenting

Fear Stole My Confidence Today & I Lost Out

June 9, 2014

(from my Walking Zombie blog on WorkingMother.com)

Yesterday my family went zip lining at Calloway Gardens in the Georgia Mountains. We strapped on our gear, headed into the trees and zealously moved from one obstacle to the other. Two hours in we were still going strong until I realized we were close to the end of the main zip line course and about to enter the Lake course. Out of nowhere I started to sweat really bad- my hands were slipping from the lines, my t-shirt sticking to my chest and my heart beating faster and faster. Having done this very same course last year, I knew what was coming…the tree. As hard as I tried I couldn’t shake this horrible fear.

The lake course has three exhilarating zip lines. That- I wanted to do! But to get to the second one you must climb an eighty foot tree via a wooden rope ladder. Last year it took everything in my being to get up that ladder. This year, I knew what was coming. I had done it before but this was the first time our whole family was zip lining this course together and Noah’s first time at all! Dave was leading from the front and I was following up from the back. This had worked all day until we got closer and closer to the tree.

Ending the main course we walked over to the Lake. Shaking, I climbed up the first ladder, telling myself, “I can do this, I can do this!” but the reality is I had already talked myself out of it- I was terrified. How was I going to watch my two children climb an eighty foot ladder, step onto a platform high into the tree tops (and the size of my kitchen mat), and not pass out? Standing at the top of a smaller platform, I stared at the tree…taking it in, I told myself, “You’ve done this before, it’s no big deal, just climb the ladder, step onto the platform and zip over the lake!”

Then I looked down to see an employee and suddenly, I had my out! “Can I pay you to please follow my kids? I won’t let them go without someone behind them and honestly I don’t want to do it!” He offered to go, no charge and I was out- free from the torture of climbing the ladder up the tree. Someone would head up the front and back, ensuring my kids were safe but it wouldn’t be me. I was so relieved I wanted to cry. He went up and I went down…my family continued on.

I sat on a bench and watched from afar. As I saw my eight and ten year old children climb the tree I realized I had failed them. I let fear, false evidence appearing real, steal my confidence and in turn my joy. My fear would keep me from the feeling of accomplishment and adrenaline my family would feel- instead, I would be defeated. The truth is, I had done this before, had fun, and challenged myself in a huge way. The only thing different this year is I let fear get the best of me.

How many times have you let fear get the best of you? Perhaps you had the opportunity to take a promotion and out of fear, declined and missed the opportunity of a lifetime. Maybe you were offered a job oversees but declined due to your fear of the unknown or you wanted to launch a new business but changed your mind for fear of failure. Fear is very real and as I learned yesterday, it can steal your girl in a nanosecond. That girl who stops at nothing to get what she wants, who is bold, confident and full of hope. Looking back on my experience I realize that yesterday, fear won. The next time we battle, I will win. What about you?

MUST READ- Written By My 10 Year Old Daughter, For You.

April 24, 2014

It’s take your kid to work day so I asked Paris to write a blog for all of you. I cried when I read it- good advice.

Hello my name is Paris Bild I’m Traci Bild’s daughter. My mom has been working on this book Get Your Girl Back for 10 years now or since I was a baby & I’m almost 11. I hope that all you folks follow what you want to do even if it’s an outrageous dream. Don’t forget to be who you are & not who other people want you to be. Maybe you could try something different or just relax for one day. Stop thinking about work & be a girl again wear fun pj’s have fun parties; maybe you should get some pointers from a kid somewhere else. Don’t forget to be yourself & have some more girl time not work time.

By: Paris Bild

Yesterday I Got Into My First Fist Fight…

April 3, 2014

Never in my life have I been in a physical fight- until yesterday. I can’t even begin to explain the adrenaline that was rushing through my body as I held my fist up high threw a punch with my right hand, brought my left in for a solid hook and them bam! Punched again with my right fist for what felt like a lethal blow. I was angry, excited, energized and in a fight or flight state all at the same time. I’d actually never felt anything like this in my life…I was kickboxing and it was crazy fun!

If you’ve been following this Power of Play blog series, you know that I’m serious about play. Just because you’re all grown up doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Each week and more often, every day, I’m making time for play. What I’m finding is that the more playing I do, the easier it comes and the more ideas I have. When I first began this series, I had to look for things to do that were fun and put in real effort. Now it’s become a way of life.

Just yesterday I played tag three times, hula hooped (and learned how to throw it so that it comes right back to me, how cool is that) and played catch- all in one day. In my quest to play I’ve found that it doesn’t take any extra time- what it takes is the desire to want to play and have real fun. Here’s how simple it is- Yesterday we went to get ice cream and while Noah and I waited for Paris to finish hers I looked at him and said, “Want to play tag?” You should have seen the look in his eyes! He said, “Yes!” and took off running. We were both laughing so hard that I forgot that I was a grown woman hanging out at an ice cream store playing tag (how embarrassing- as I was playing full out)!

When we got home, the kids jumped out of the car and Paris grabbed her hula hoop. “Have one for me?” I said- She excitedly threw me a hoop and although I was horrible (it’s been 20 years!), we laughed a lot. Keep in mind that we didn’t spend an hour hula hopping…it was more like ten minutes, but for that ten minutes, I was a girl…Traci Shafer…the one from the past who loved to play Barbie’s, board games and follow the leader.

Before I began this process to get my girl back, I would have never thought to play. I was the mom who “watched” her kids play. Getting in the game has transformed my life in so many ways. Most importantly I’m having fun, laughing and experiencing joy in the most simple of things. I am feeling less grown up and more childlike…I can’t tell you how good this feels because in truth- it’s been far too long. With a national company and a third book in the midst of the publishing process my life can be pretty crazy. Playing has changed my perspective entirely- things that once freaked me out don’t bother me. I’m less serious, more spontaneous and fully engaged in living in the moment. My entire perspective is different and it’s empowering.

That leads me to my fight yesterday. Because I’m tired of “going to the gym,” I’ve been experimenting with all different kinds of exercises that fall into the category of fun and I’m having a blast! This week I did Pilates on Monday, Kickboxing on Tuesday and today I went for a walk on the beach with my mom. I feel as if I have awakened from a long sleep- the sun is brighter, the water bluer, and the breeze softer on my skin.

I dare you- to join me in the quest for play, adventure and fun! Life is so serious all the time- there is always going to be something to do; someplace to go and something to clean…give yourself a break. Your partner will find you more fun, your kids will be in a state of shock and utter happiness and you- you will feel alive.

Each week, as part of my Power of Play blog series, I will share what I’m doing . . . to fuel ideas for you! I encourage you to get in the game and read my recent blogs for ideas. If you’d like to join in on the fun and get my blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. You can also share your own stories and ideas here on my blog or on my Facebook Fan page at Get Your Girl Back movement. I can’t wait to hear from you. .

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues

The Best Excuse to Get out of Exercise, Cooking and Sex!

March 31, 2014

“I don’t have the time.”

For most of us women, this is one of our all-time favorite cop outs. Ask me why I don’t work out and my answer is, “I’m too busy, I simply don’t have time.” Challenge me on the importance of cooking healthy meals rather than running through a fast food restaurant after a long night at gymnastics with Paris and my answer is, “I would love to but I don’t have time.” Remind me that I have a gorgeous and loving husband who needs my attention and a sense of connection and my answer is, “I don’t have the time or energy.”

Sound familiar? The truth is women don’t have time to exercise, cook healthy meals or spend time with their partners. Between working forty hours or more outside the home, the commute to and from work, after school activities, homework, never-ending cleaning and laundry as well as the rare attempt to cram in the chapter of a book or a mindless television show to shut off the brain…finding additional time is sort of like glimpsing a double rainbow- it’s magical yet rare.

If you’re sort of sighing with relief… in knowing that you are not alone, I would like to ask you a deeper question- “Is this how you really want to live?” You know that you have to stay healthy and that means getting regular exercise and eating properly…if you are in a relationship, you’re in it probably because you love the person you are with. The result of making excuses is only going to create more deep seeded guilt and anxiety over not doing what you know you need to do! I know it’s crazy, right?

I remember sitting in my kitchen and unbuttoning my Mrs. Me Jeans because my belly was hanging over them and it was uncomfortable. “It’s just a muffin top,” I thought- I have two kids! But then I didn’t just feel it but stood in front of a mirror and looked at it, yes my muffin top- Blueberry, peanut butter, chocolate or whatever it was…it was no longer just a muffin but a full blown entrée! How was this possible (I wondered) – overall, I eat healthily…or was I?

That day, I did something different. I decided to stop making excuses. Instead of hiding behind the famous, “I don’t have the time,” I realized that I had to make the time. The fact is, a flat stomach wasn’t a priority to me, but good health was. It dawned on me that at 44 I was collecting an extra 5 pounds or so a year and that by the time I was 50, those Mrs. Me jeans would long be gone and on someone more fit to wear them.

It was time to own up and take stock of my life, the things that mattered most to me- my health, my family, and my sanity. I literally removed the words, “I don’t have time” from my vocabulary. Instead I learned to say, “It’s not a priority.” At least this way I own it.

So I got serious about my health…reflecting back I now see that I was eating way too many carbs, skipping meals, living on lattes and getting exercise in every so often. Now, when I plan my weekly calendar, I make sure that fitness, meal planning, family fun and date night are all built in and color coded in my calendar. I’m treating the things I care about as the priorities they are. I feel more in control of my life because there’s no one to blame things on anymore. All I have to do is look in the mirror and take ownership.

It’s not easy being a woman in the 21^st Century- in fact, it’s damn near impossible not to crawl up into fetal position and hide in a corner. The best antidote is to fight back- with fun, adventure, laughter and a commitment to stay focused on the priorities that matter most in your life. To give the time and attention to those things- that at the end of the day, really do matter most. Then and only then will you feel less anxious, more inspired and empowered as a woman, wife, mother, daughter and friend. While only four words, “I don’t have the time”- they hold tremendous power. I challenge you to take that power back starting today by eliminating them from your vocabulary.

Written by Traci Bild Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement- (www.GYGB.com)

Someone Was Murdered- And I Had to Review the Evidence

March 25, 2014

My palms were sweaty as I carefully looked over the evidence. A crime had been committed, heinous- and it was up to me to convey exactly what had happened. My heart beat faster and faster as I realized it was my turn to share what I felt had occurred that night. I looked at my kids who sat quietly beside me trembling in fear. “Okay, it was Mrs. Scarlett, with the lead pipe, in the library.” Paris looked at her evidence and discreetly showed me the lead pipe. Darn! That was not the weapon used. It was Noah’s turn…we were in a heated game of Clue.

When I was a girl, games were a favorite past time. I remember going to my cousin’s and playing them for hours on end…Life, Monopoly, and of course Clue- my favorite! We would throw on pajamas, spread the board games out on the floor, and play until the wee hours of the night. Our screams and laughter would ripple through the house as we assumed the lead or in the case of Monopoly- were sent to jail!

Clearly this is powerful memory because tears are dripping down my cheeks as I write. For a moment I’m there again- in my jammies, reliving those moments and how special they were- Time with cousins, playing games, being a girl and having fun. Yet I have to confess something really embarrassing– I’ve let years of my life go by without playing a single board game. Worse yet, I have kids!

It’s not that we don’t play games in our home but the truth is that I oftentimes just sit and watch as my husband and the kids or Uncle Adam and the kids play games. I’m too busy in the background making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen or doing laundry- so I watch from the sidelines.

In truth, on any of these occasions I could have stopped and jumped in the game. Players always call to me, “Come on Traci, sit down with us and play!” Yet each time I have every damn excuse in the world. Yet the real excuse, the one I didn’t see until recently is that I don’t know how to sit down! I’m in constant motion, like one of those poor Polar Bears in Alaska who drowns because all the ice has melted and they can’t find a solid piece to rest on while hunting. Like the bears, I find myself drowning- but by choice.

So as part of my Power of Play Blog Series I made a decision to play. I didn’t explain to anyone what I was doing, I just dug down inside myself and asked my girl to help me- you know, the one who laughed so hard she would pee her pants, who lived to play with her Barbies and couldn’t wait to run out the back door when at my cousins and pick juicy Concorde grapes off the vine and devour them by the dozens (I buy them every season in honor of this memory)!

The good news is I’m no longer drowning. I gave myself a lifeline- through play! It’s changed my life. Last week I wrote my blog about playing dodge ball and if you didn’t read it, you have to now, it’s so fun! I’ve realized that no one can save me but me! Multi-tasking all day, every day and dropping into bed exhausted each night is not how I want to live my life. At the age of 44 my life is half over (quality) and I’m determined to squeeze every ounce of juice out of it that I can.

So here I am- each day I wake up and rather than grab my phone and check email (while anxiety starts to set in), I think, “What fun is on the agenda today?” Yes I still have two companies to run, a household to maintain and kids to care for (and an amazing husband to spend time with) but I’ve re-prioritized my life, put things in perspective and am giving myself permission to play!

I know it may sound crazy and seem impossible to even consider how you can do this in your life, but you can! Here are simple ideas to get you started- when you make breakfast consider making a pot of tea and having a tea party with your kids or OMG by yourself! Yes, you will feel so proper and British…and remember doing this as a girl! Before going to bed at night step outside, lay a blanket on the ground and just look up at the stars. As you lay there you will drift into a place of wonder, perhaps see a shooting star to wish upon and begin to ask yourself those age old questions…”Is there anyone else out there?” And let yourself ask these questions! Were you so political when you were a girl?

Okay so you get the point. Play. Play. Play. Play! Take each ordinary day and start to make it extraordinary. With each passing day you will get more creative, find more possibility and joy in things you can do to enlighten your life and the lives of those around you. So, here is my wish for you this week. Get your favorite board games out and play them! If you have kids they will be so excited and if you have girlfriends they will be all over it because it’s been far too long for them as well (you will be a hero). In fact, why not have a slumber party? It’s time to stop thinking so much and just do it- have fun!

I love, love, love to hear from you so please post here on my blog (below the post) what your favorite game was when you were a girl or your experiences as you pull that game out again and relive those childhood moments. If you never did play games in your home then it’s time to try something new! Give yourself the gift of a new game. Keep the game out on your kitchen table or in the open where you see it daily- this will encourage you to play more often. As you play, you will become childlike again and the thoughts of bills, work and that never ending to do list will subside as you experience true joy, connection and laughter with the people across the board.

Written by Traci Bild Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement- Putting the Power of Play Back in the Gam ( www.GYGB.com)

What Compelled me to Throw a Ball at My Son’s Head?

March 17, 2014

It’s not often that you try to nail your 8 year old son in the face with a hard rubber ball. But last week, that’s exactly what I did. When I missed, my son Noah taunted me with a little booty dance. “You little stinker” I yelled, “I’m gonna get you”. I quickly grabbed another ball and while staring directly at Noah, fired it at Paris—my 10 year old daughter—slamming her square in the chest. “You’re going down mom”, she shrieked in mock fury. The next ball flew out of my hands and right into my husbands…crap I’m in trouble! He then begins to fire off balls so hard and fast I thought he might put a hole through our garage door. We were all red-faced, sweaty and slightly hysterical. It was awesome.

Sounds kind of sketchy, I know, but don’t worry, I wasn’t beating my kids. I was just playing with them . . . a good old fashioned game of dodge ball. You see, I’m tired of sitting it out. Day after I day I watch my kids play — baseball and gymnastics, swinging and jumping on the trampoline – and I sit and watch. We cart our kids around from one activity to another, they play while we “busily” attend to our to do list, or scroll through Facebook, or just zone out. But I’m sick of it. Call me selfish but I want to have fun too. And rather than continue to think about it, last week I decided to do something . . . starting with this incredibly fun game of dodge ball. And guess what, since our first game, we’ve been out there every day playing.

I bet when you were a kid, there were things you loved to do, that brought you incredible joy. In most cases, you didn’t even think about what you were doing, you just did it: hula hooping, tea parties, dancing, putting on your mother’s make up and more. Do you remember that feeling of joy that playing brought you? When I was a girl, I loved to jump into my bedroom closet and play spaceship with my brother Todd. “Captain, ready for takeoff!” Another favorite? I pretended to be the drummer for the rock band Kiss! My brother, his friends and I, would put on concerts and I swear…I could hear the screams of the crowd, feel the beat of the drums and the adoration of my fans as I rocked out to “I… wanna rock and roll all night!”

I love these memories because playing was fun! So I have an idea for you. Join me and bring the power of play back into your life. Just because you’re all grown up doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Not so sure? Let me inspire you. Since our first game of dodge ball, I’ve actively been playing every day. I have to admit, at first it felt a little odd but within a few days, I felt different; freer, lighter, giddier, and my kids were commenting on how much fun they were having too. What started as an experiment has morphed into a true reconnection with my girl; the one whose life was ruled by giggles, imagination, and adventure . . . As opposed to anxiety, stress and rigid schedules.

The more I play the more I remember who my girl was, what she enjoyed and more importantly, how she felt. While I love my life and being a “grown up”, I miss the freedom of my youth (When the words guilt, fear, and worry weren’t even in my vocabulary). As I’m learning to play again, and get my girl back, I’m also weaving that feeling of joy into everything else I do. It’s as if a light switch has been turned on and a breath of fresh air has infused my life.

So here is your mission: start playing. Do something you used to do as a kid — jump rope or hula hoop instead of going to that dreaded fitness class. Or if your kids are playing, get in the game and play with them. If you’re not sure exactly what to do, start by playing a game of dodge ball!

Each week, as part of my Power of Play blog series, I will share what I’m doing . . . to fuel ideas for you! I encourage you to get in the game and give play a try (starting with Dodge Ball this week). While it was difficult to figure out what to do at first, it’s now easy- because I’m having so much fun and you will too!

If you’d like to join in on the fun and get my blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. You can also share your own stories and ideas here on my blog or on my Facebook Fan page at Get Your Girl Back movement. I can’t wait to hear your fun ideas and how it’s impacting your life.

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues

Incorporate 4 New Habits into Your Weekly Housekeeping Routines

February 25, 2014

Our Theme Here at Get Your Girl Back today is EMBRACE!

Incorporate 4 New Habits into Your Weekly Housekeeping Routines

As you work to embrace a new way of living, where fun, laughter and adventure rule, we must talk parenthood and home. The fact is someone has to do the dishes, laundry, grocery shop, cook and more- I imagine in most cases, that means you!

I’ve never really met anyone who loves to cook and clean. In fact, a friend of mine has a sign above the laundry room door that says, “Purgatory” – I think that about sums up laundry, ha! That being said, it has to get done so the question is- how can you embrace it and make these tasks less stressful?

Consider incorporating new habits into old routines? Here are a few to consider:

Laundry– Buy detergents that smell wonderful and make pulling the clothes out of the dryer intoxicating. Set a basket up for each family member and as you fold, place the clothes in respective baskets and create a new habit where each family member puts their own clothes away. Kids as young as six can do this and will take great pride once it’s actually done.
Food! Nothing is worse than coming home after a long day of work, sports, and non-stop activity than realizing you have to figure out what to cook for dinner. Consider a new habit where menus are created over the weekend for the upcoming week. Subscribe to a few magazines and pull delicious fresh recipes that are easy, fast and appeal to you (My favorite is Bon Appetit).
- Find five to six menus and create your list by using a good app that organizes items by category (and also ensures that list is always with you).
- Get what’s needed for the week (if possible) so you’re not scrambling come Monday over what to cook. Being organized is so important to family meal planning, health and your sanity (Cooking Light also has a great app for meal planning).
Cleaning: If you work outside the home full time and can give something up in your budget to make space to fund a housekeeper, do it. I promise- this is the best gift you will ever give yourself. On a daily basis, create a habit where everyone takes their dishes from the table and puts them in the dishwasher, no exception. Consider the phrase, “Will work for food!” Ask for help. Rather than picking up after your kids, start having them pick up after themselves. While it’s easier to do it for them, they must learn to do it themselves and you are not their maid.
Clutter: Spend 10 minutes a day tackling just one area of your home. Even five minutes can do wonders with this new habit. This week focus on the kitchen and dive in for 10 minutes- Cupboards on Monday, mail basket on Tuesday, pantry on Wednesday, fridge on Thursday, dish cabinets on Friday and so on. Within a week your kitchen will feel “lighter” and you will enjoy being in it. The next week move on to another room in your home. By the end of the month your entire home will be decluttered just in time for you to start all over!

These are just a few ideas to tackle the things you probably do most often. While you will never find these task fun, you can take steps to reduce how much time you spend doing them, in turn adding more hours back to your day to do the things you want to do.

Lastly, focus on gratitude. I imagine the mother of five living in the Democratic Republic of Congo would give anything to have your washer, a grocery store to buy food from (rather than growing and tending to her own), and a home so big and with so many items it actually gets cluttered! See your life through the eyes of women who are less fortunate and you will see these responsibilities not as drudgery, but as the blessings they really are.

If you have not yet joined us for our FREE Get Your Girl Back Life Series, jump in! Our classes are every Friday from 12-12:30 with Q & A from 12:30-12:45. You can register at www.GYGB.com and join a movement of women seeking a new way of living- free of stress, anxiety and pressure and full of joy, laughter, and abundance! Please share what you are doing to embrace daunting tasks or make them more fun, on our Facebook page at the Get Your Girl Back movement or here in the comments section of our blog. I love to hear from you!

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues

3 New Habits to Reduce Stress and Anxiety and Make Room for Your Girl!

February 23, 2014

I was born in June and my zodiac sign is Cancer- or the crab. It’s said that when a crab feels overwhelmed she will crawl back into her shell, nest, and isolate herself from the world to find comfort. While I don’t understand our birth signs, I do know this description is spot on for me.

It seems no matter how hard I try to pace myself and live in the moment, it’s a daily battle to keep my girl front and center and in charge. I long for the days when we would drive to work or school listening to the radio, singing at the top of our lungs rather than talking on our cell phones and checking messages at every stop light. I miss having neighbors who liked to chat, pull their lawn chairs up and simply talk. I miss the sounds of children playing games outside in the front yard…now replaced by scheduled sporting events, video games and endless homework. While I love the convenience of modern life, at times I feel it’s stolen the good life.

One of the greatest challenges you will face on your journey to get your girl back, is slowing down. It almost seems counter intuitive. How do you slow down in a world that is moving faster and faster every day? Just yesterday I was reading through PR opportunities and one of them was on sleep. They were looking for an expert who could talk about life without sleep and why it’s such a waste of time and if it were possible, to engineer ourselves to not need sleep! Can you believe that? I want to cry just thinking about it (yes, you can rant here on the comment section of my blog too). While some do consider it a waste of time, it terrifies me to think what would happen to my spirit and sanity if I didn’t sleep? It’s the only time my brain gets a break.

So how do you slow down? Where do you find the time to work ON your life versus constantly living IN it? Here are three strategies- give one or more a try and I promise you will get a little bit closer to finding your girl and entering a new state of living: New Habits to Start Working on Today!

Put it Away: I dare you to just try to put your cell phone away or out of reach for blocked periods of time throughout the day. First of all, charge your phone AWAY from your bed, perhaps in the bathroom when you go to sleep. Put it on do not disturb and resist all temptation to check messages, text or social updates after a set hour. For me its 8 pm. Give yourself the gift of unplugging. Most of us aren’t doctors and no one is going to die if we don’t immediately respond. If that’s the case for you then set up rules that work for your situation. This one step will immediately improve your sleep, anxiety, and stress levels. It won’t be easy so be prepared. However, once you learn this new habit, of exercising cell phone self-control, you will feel empowered to develop other new habits to fuel happiness in your life. Other no-phone times to consider are dinnertime and morning (keep reading).
Keep it Away: Oh, I know this is so hard but consider how good it would feel to leave your cell phone in its place until after breakfast? Imagine waking up, getting ready listening to music or the news, making breakfast, talking to your family, and starting your day peacefully rather than in an instant panic over what you have to do (flooded in box, numerous texts, etc.).
Stop Multi-tasking: Okay, this goes against everything we do as women but I promise, it will change your life. If you have noticed, men do one thing at a time and do it well. Women? We can literally do up to five things at once. While we may do it well, the fact is we do everything on autopilot and at the end of the day don’t even recall what we did. In short, we are missing our very lives! Just try to do one thing at a time and allow yourself to slow down, breathe, and pace yourself in a moderate manner. I know, crazy right? There is something incredibly freeing about allowing yourself to do one thing at a time.

Okay, so I’ve mastered the power of my mind, I know how to change my mental state quickly and can recognize when I’m in a funk. Even with this experience, I still struggle to maintain control over my emotions and thought process- the very things that create stress and anxiety for most of us! For some reason, the brain finds it so much easier to think negatively, worry, fret and ponder everything that can possibly go wrong. Because I’ve trained my brain I enter these states less often than most people. You can say that I’m aware of what’s going on up there and trust me, it helps tremendously. So- as you begin to implement these habits I’ve shared with you, you too will be further training your brain to do what you want it to do versus what it wants to do.

You can slow down, savor the moment and be more present in your life. To make it happen you must decide it’s something you want to do and then step by step begin to take action on those things that steal your joy and in turn your girl. So stop right now and consider the small steps you can take to make big gains in your life. I would love to hear from you as well so please, share what you do to reduce stress and anxiety here on my blog or on our Facebook page at the Get Your Girl Back movement.

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Register at www.GYGB.com.

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

Difficult but PRECIOUS

February 14, 2014

Moms & Girls- Lessons in Love!

February 14, 2014

BLOG FOR GIRLS AGED 8-17

THIS VALENTINE’S DAY… 3 TIPS TO KEEP IT REAL; JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS (mom, lessons for you in here too!)

Everywhere you look there are boxes of chocolate, red roses, greeting cards, and images of love. For girls, this can be a really confusing time. Sure, everything is great if you’re in love… and things are going well. Yet if you’re alone or feeling as if you are the only girl without a Valentine, this can be a crappy time of year. Today’s message is for girls, 8-17, and their mothers, aunties and friends who wish to share this message as well as a little bonding time talking about the age old topic of love.

Enter Twilight…

I’ll never forget the day I saw my niece Kayla, who was in high school at the time, carrying around a huge book. “What’s that book about?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine a kid reading a book over 300 pages since the Harry Potter series- seriously, it had to be good. She told me the name was Twilight so I immediately went out and bought it. I had never heard of the book and it wasn’t all the rage (yet) as I had never even heard of it. Yet I was so curious due to the sheer size of the book and thought, “I’m going to check it out.” So I purchased myself a copy.

Oh my! I had no idea what I was about to get into. Odds are you have read Twilight yourself. I was completely consumed by this book (I’m a hopeless romantic okay?). I told my mom about it and she too became entrapped by the pages of Twilight. What blew my mind was that three generations of women, all from different times, felt completely taken by this book- And thus is the lure and draw of love. All of us could relate.

After finishing Twilight and hearing about it everywhere, literally- I asked Kayla how she liked the book. Her response was completely different than mine or her grandmas. It seemed that the author had this amazing ability to pull us all into the book, as if we were there, experiencing FIRST love all over again- it was intoxicating. Yet for Kayla, who had never been in love, it didn’t resonate the same. She had never experienced her first love so she couldn’t possibly miss it! Ha!

First love…

So here we are, back to the topic at hand- love. For girls, love can be confusing, right? If you’ve never been in love, how do you know when you are in love and how do you know its real love and not just infatuation?

I can’t answer that question exactly because in truth, it’s something you will simply know. But- to know for sure, love needs time to grow. Our society is so quick to pressure young girls to grow up fast- get a cell phone, post on social media, watch music videos with pathetic role models like Miley Cyrus, be uber skinny, pick your college major- in 9^th grade (if not sooner)…where does it end?

If you are a girl, trust me, you will be grown up soon enough so don’t rush it- especially when it comes to true love. So here are a few tips about dating or falling in love:

Demand Respect: If you are of the age that you are starting to date, whether it’s meeting at the roller rink or movies, or going on full blown “I’ll pick you up at 6” dates, it’s really important that the boy you date, whether once or more, respects you. This means that he listens to your opinion, as well as respects them- whether it’s the movie you want to see or your stance of the rules of dating that you hold dear. He must look you in the eye when talking and “call me old fashioned”, but he should open the door for you and treat you like the lady you are. If something feels “off” emotionally and you feel like you want to cry or like a knife just went through your heart due to something he said that wasn’t appropriate, politely work to end the date early, call your parents, and or make it a point to not date this boy again.

Give it time: Everything is always so exciting in the beginning. Trust me, even your mom and dad probably thought they would die if they didn’t see each other for a day when they started dating. While you may feel like picking up the phone and making that call every hour or so- texting, posting messages on his facebook and more- resist the temptation and leave room for some mystery. He should wonder where you are, what you are doing, and why you are not falling all over him. I know its soooo hard but you don’t want to appear desperate. Also, if you start to feel pressured, as if the boy you are dating or pursing is trying to rush things that you know are not appropriate, trust your gut and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.

Trust your instinct: This is the most important thing I want to say to you. All of us have this little voice inside, called our instinct. Sadly, we don’t learn to really use or trust it until we are all grown up. The biggest challenge for girls in trusting their instinct is that your instinct or gut feeling normally goes against the very thing you want to do! So- while you are thinking, “Yes, this is right!” your gut is saying, “No, I don’t like this, it just doesn’t feel right.” I know it’s hard but I can’t tell you enough how important it is to start listening to your instinct and to trust it. Amazingly enough, that internal voice is part of your DNA, an animal instinct of sorts- you must listen to it because rarely is it wrong. If your gut says, “Leave this situation now,” just do it- even if having fun. You have this internal messaging system for a reason so learn to use it as it can literally save your life.

In closing…

Ah love- there is nothing like it, you can’t fight it, and you won’t ever fully understand it. It’s an amazing feeling that you will only experience once or twice in your lifetime so take your time and don’t rush it. If you have questions, ask your mom, auntie or person who shared this with you. You can also reach out to me at Traci@GYGB.com.

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Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement