marriage
Want to Get Your Girl Back? Each Tuesday, our topic is personal growth. Since it’s the week of love, I would like to continue the conversation around relationships. Yesterday I talked to you about strategies you could use to put focus on improving the relationships in your life. Today, I would like to zero in on specific questions to help you reflect and ponder a little further ways you can grow passion in your relationship.
As you contemplate the words “personal growth” ask yourself the following questions:
- How long have you been in the relationship you are in?
- How have you changed since the inception of that relationship?
- Has your relationship grown in its love and passion or begun to fizzle out?
- On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life right now?
- What needs to happen to make it a ten?
- If you just got out of a relationship, what did you learn, how will you use that life lesson to grow and understand how to make better choices next time?
You can’t grow by remaining what you are. It’s so easy to look at our partners and find everything wrong with them. Today is about looking in the mirror and reflecting internally. Unless you answered, “10” on the scale of 1-10, I would like to ask you the following questions:
- What is one thing you can do differently to improve your relationship, starting today?
- Offer daily complements and words of support
- Say I love you every day
- Ask an open-ended question about your partner’s day? Ex. So is anything exciting going on at work?
- Is there something you find yourself doing regularly, that you know makes your partner feel bad, and that you will commit to stopping immediately?
- Nagging
- Complaining
- Blaming him for things going on in your life that he has no control over other than being the source of your frustration?
- Do the clothes you wear or the look you have created match the way you want to feel when you see your partner on a daily basis?
- Could it be time to trade sweats for cute jeans?
- Why not leave your hair down rather than pull it up?
- How would it feel to put on a little make up? Even just some fun lipstick!
- How often do you make eye contact, true “look me in the eyes, I see you” eye contact?
These questions, while easy to answer, hold clues as to the strength of your current relationship. I realize not everyone is married, some are recently divorced, and others widowed. We are not all in the same situation. Yet if there is one thing I know for sure it’s that we were built to be with someone who will love and support us. It’s not in our nature to be alone- so whether you think so or not, if you don’t have a Valentine this year, odds are next year you will. So- my question to you is what kind of relationship do you want?
If you are going to spend your life a person, isn’t it important to you that it’s enjoyable, fun, and interesting? Just because you’ve been with someone for ten, fifteen or twenty years doesn’t mean it can’t be spicy and exciting! Yet to get that feeling, YOU have to put the time and energy in to create it. You must be mindful of creating a beautiful relationship – the one you always dreamed you would have! Self-reflection is the best place to start because we can’t change others- we can only change ourselves. The cool thing is that once you begin to put in effort and implement small changes, your partner will notice and begin to reciprocate. Think about it- everyone wants to be in love, to feel special, wanted, needed, and encouraged; including your special Valentine.
Stop right now, list out three things you will do to grow in your relationship this year. Get inspired!
1._______________________________________________
2._______________________________________________
3._______________________________________________
Now think about how it will feel to see your relationship improve. Keep in mind that it’s going to take a concentrated effort and focus to see real change. Don’t get frustrated- instead, go on a mission to bring your girl back into the relationship and laugh more, put on music instead of the television and dance (no need for a special occasion), dine together as a family and bond over the amazing unit you have created, light a candle, talk, put on something pretty, do your hair, dab on a little makeup, spray a touch of perfume, and make the effort to let him know that you are lighting the flame in hopes of bringing the spark back into your love life!
If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Email Tara@TraciBild.com to register now and it’s free! Details to follow!
Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues
Our theme here at Get Your Girl Back for Mondays is FOCUS. With this being the week of love, a la Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share some thoughts on how your girl can make this year different. Rather than making a big deal about Valentine’s Day, how about making a big deal about your man or partner and the changes you would like to see in your relationship not for a day, but for the year and beyond?
I received this awesome email from one of our Get Your Girl Back Ambassadors in response to a blog I wrote on date night- this is a perfect example of the power of focus and how she used it to put FUN back into her marriage.
“I was going on a date with my husband the night I read your blog- and I specifically went and changed out of my cardigan and turtleneck into a SKIRT (I never wear skirts) and a top that you could see my neck… (I don’t have cleavage)! I put on new makeup and perfume and had an attitude that we were going to have FUN. It was great- We even had our kids take our picture before we left to go out. Woo Hoo!”
How cool is that? Whether you are single and looking for love or married and in love, commit to putting in the effort to do things differently this year and to reap the amazing rewards that come forward. Here are the strategies Dave and I have used for the past twenty years to keep the flames of passion alive. We met at the ripe old age of 21! Twenty-two years later, while I can’t say our marriage is perfect, it’s pretty damn good. Look, if I’m spending the rest of my life with this guy, I want to enjoy it. Besides, when I met Dave I had my girl- it’s not fair to him if I don’t honor who I was when we met and of course continue to get better with age! So give these strategies a try:
1. Adventure Night: Forget dinner and a movie! Turn date night into adventure night by doing things that are fun, foster laughter and real connection. Consider a comedy club, dancing, a cooking class, or sledding (all less expensive than dinner & a movie).
2. Team Up: While you might do things better, odds are your husband wants to help, so let him and lavish complements often (don’t worry, he will reciprocate).
3. Tough Talk: Don’t shy away from the tough topics that are eating at your relationship. Ask for ideas on how to resolve them and share your willingness to work through them openly.
4. Slow Dance: It’s impossible to stay mad when slow dancing with the one you love. You will immediately start to smile, laugh and enter a better place.
5. Vacation– Alone! It’s okay to leave the kids behind for a short vacation. Go ahead, book that weekend trip and eventually a trip to Italy or France together (what else are you going to do with all those credit card points?). The kids will have a great role model of how a healthy marriage should be.
6. Dream Together: Find out what dreams your partner has and be sure to offer encouragement. Better yet, find a dream you can pursue together for an immediate spark to reignite the relationship.
Me and my husband on date night!
Stop for a moment and remember when you first fell in love. What did you used to do for fun together, what did you talk about, how did you dress, what dreams did you have…? Consider your relationship today, what do you do together now, what do you typically talk about, how do you dress when doing things together, what dreams- if any, do you share?
Could it be time to focus on creating the relationship you always dreamed you would have when you grew up? Use these ideas to start or create some of your own but take the first step, lead the way and start to reignite the flames of love and passion in your marriage or relationship this Valentine’s Day and keep the focus alive all year (or ponder the type of relationship you want). Please share your ideas for keeping the flames of love alive here on our blog and on our Facebook page (Get Your Girl Back movement) page so that others can give them a try! Love hearing from you!
If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Email Tara@TraciBild.com to register now and it’s free! Details to follow!
Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues
Written by Guest Contributor Jennifer Ruyle.
With everything going on in our lives it’s so darn easy to overlook carving out time for ourselves, even just for a few hours. Blah Blah Blah. Not quite ladies. From the moment I had my twins, now eight years old, I made a pact with my husband. One night during the week I would get my own night, and one night a week he would get his own night. Before you start objecting and saying…”well my husband couldn’t handle dinner or the kids need me to do this or that at bedtime or I worked all day won’t get to tuck in little Johnny”…here’s a thought – it’s ONE night. No one will starve, no one will combust, no one will hate you. So here’s how it goes. Tuesdays are my night starting at 6pm when my husband arrives home, grumpy or not. I either go to a yoga class, grab some friends and get dinner, shop a bookstore or sit in my car listening to old 70s tunes. I return about 9pm – definitely after the kids are in their slumber. In turn, my husband chooses his night to go play softball in his very competitive over 40 league.
The key is this ONE night doesn’t negate a date night – which I do know realistically can’t always happen every week. But, unless there is a recital or major illness, my hubby and I have stuck to our ONE night for the past 8 years. And I believe we are all happier for it. It’s easy to make excuses, but if you and your husband can’t make this happen, then it’s going to be a long road ahead. It’s a win-win for both of you so no one should be complaining. It’s a positive change you can make right now. The house may be a mess when you get home, and dinner may not be gourmet those two nights, but who cares.
Common obstacles:
Kids: “You’re going to yoga again this week…”
YOU: “Yes, the more fit I am, the longer I will live for you.”
Kids: “Don’t leave Mommy, Daddy makes us eat weird food.”
YOU: “Mommy needs playdates, too right?”
Husband: “So what should we do after dinner…”
YOU: “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out. Have fun.”
Husband: Sheer look of terror as you grab your keys to go.
YOU: Ignore or plant a very long kiss on his face. Then give a sultry goodbye.
And if you or your husband can’t think of anything to do on your ONE night, just ask for ideas by posting a comment to the blog post…I have trillions of ideas of how you can spend 2-3 hours enriching your life, YOUR LIFE, too.
If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to (we are starting a free 10 week class for our Ambassadors on January 7th so if you have not signed up yet, now is the time). If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!
<a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>Hyper Smash</a>
I’ve always loved to play dress up!
It’s Friday and in my effort to keep my girl, I’m sailing off to Tampa tomorrow to become a wench pirate for the weekend as Dave and I dive into the fun of Gasparilla. We have done this event for close to a decade and it’s one of my favorite weekends of the year. We will get on our boat Endurance in the morning and head off to Tampa from Clearwater, which takes about four hours. During the trip I will read, day dream, sleep, glimpse dolphins, take in Dave as he captains away, and smell the sea salt as it drifts through the air.
We will dock up behind the Marriott for a weekend of fun. To gain passage onto our boat you must be in full pirate dress and ready to enter another place and time. We will spend all day Saturday on deck entertaining pirates, throwing beads, eating, talking, laughing, dancing and having plain old fashioned FUN! My girl loves this event! As long as I can remember I have loved to get dressed up and pretend I’m someone else- Check out my picture from last year, ha!
A World That Never Stops
In a world that never stops…where there is so much to do that at times we forget to breathe, you must make time for fun. If your weekends are packed with non-stop activities, and it’s not really like a weekend, then consider making a change. You must find time to relax, decompress and just be. If you don’t have downtime, you will forget to laugh, cry, play, and be a girl. You cannot just do, do and do. So ask yourself right now, “When was the last time you simply had fun? When did you last do nothing? If you had a day or two free, what would YOU do with it?”
A big reason women lose their girl is because the woman buries her in responsibility! Every hour on the family calendar is crammed with something to do, some place to go…a sporting event, tutoring session, lesson of some sort, it never ends. Did you have a calendar like this as a child? Stop to think…your mother might have worked all day while you were in school but she could come HOME after work, relax a little bit with the family, watch some television, tend to a hobby, and eat dinner with the family. Moms today don’t have the luxury. They are at work all day and at kid type events all night only to run home, have an hour to clean up, do some laundry, and drop into bed and hit REPLAY all over again six to eight hours later! This is no way to live and you will not be able to sustain it forever. The price is too high: Anxiety, exhaustion, frustration, depression, anger, lack of connection with your partner, and more.
So just for today, FRIDAY and maybe even for tomorrow, SATURDAY, cut yourself some slack. Relax, have some downtime and DO NOT feel guilty. Give yourself the gift of free time, connection, laughter, joy and freedom. Come Monday, ponder if just perhaps you can reconsider your schedule, take control and modify it a bit to allow time to LIVE.
If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!
Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement
<a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>HyperSmash.com</a>