BLOG FOR GIRLS AGED 8-17

Portrait of four smiling teenage girls outside

THIS VALENTINE’S DAY… 3 TIPS TO KEEP IT REAL; JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS (mom, lessons for you in here too!)

Everywhere you look there are boxes of chocolate, red roses, greeting cards, and images of love. For girls, this can be a really confusing time.  Sure, everything is great if you’re in love… and things are going well. Yet if you’re alone or feeling as if you are the only girl without a Valentine, this can be a crappy time of year. Today’s message is for girls, 8-17, and their mothers, aunties and friends who wish to share this message as well as a little bonding time talking about the age old topic of love.

Enter Twilight…

I’ll never forget the day I saw my niece Kayla, who was in high school at the time, carrying around a huge book. “What’s that book about?” I asked.  I couldn’t imagine a kid reading a book over 300 pages since the Harry Potter series- seriously, it had to be good. She told me the name was Twilight so I immediately went out and bought it. I had never heard of the book and it wasn’t all the rage (yet) as I had never even heard of it.  Yet I was so curious due to the sheer size of the book and thought, “I’m going to check it out.” So I purchased myself a copy.

Oh my! I had no idea what I was about to get into. Odds are you have read Twilight yourself.  I was completely consumed by this book (I’m a hopeless romantic okay?). I told my mom about it and she too became entrapped by the pages of Twilight. What blew my mind was that three generations of women, all from different times, felt completely taken by this book- And thus is the lure and draw of love. All of us could relate.

After finishing Twilight and hearing about it everywhere, literally- I asked Kayla how she liked the book. Her response was completely different than mine or her grandmas. It seemed that the author had this amazing ability to pull us all into the book, as if we were there, experiencing FIRST love all over again- it was intoxicating. Yet for Kayla, who had never been in love, it didn’t resonate the same. She had never experienced her first love so she couldn’t possibly miss it! Ha!

First love…

So here we are, back to the topic at hand- love. For girls, love can be confusing, right? If you’ve never been in love, how do you know when you are in love and how do you know its real love and not just infatuation? 

I can’t answer that question exactly because in truth, it’s something you will simply know. But- to know for sure, love needs time to grow. Our society is so quick to pressure young girls to grow up fast- get a cell phone, post on social media, watch music videos with pathetic role models like Miley Cyrus, be uber skinny, pick your college major- in 9th grade (if not sooner)…where does it end?

If you are a girl, trust me, you will be grown up soon enough so don’t rush it- especially when it comes to true love. So here are a few tips about dating or falling in love:

  1. Demand Respect: If you are of the age that you are starting to date, whether it’s meeting at the roller rink or movies, or going on full blown “I’ll pick you up at 6” dates, it’s really important that the boy you date, whether once or more, respects you. This means that he listens to your opinion, as well as respects them- whether it’s the movie you want to see or your stance of the rules of dating that you hold dear. He must look you in the eye when talking and “call me old fashioned”, but he should open the door for you and treat you like the lady you are. If something feels “off” emotionally and you feel like you want to cry or like a knife just went through your heart due to something he said that wasn’t appropriate, politely work to end the date early, call your parents, and or make it a point to not date this boy again.

 

  1. Give it time: Everything is always so exciting in the beginning. Trust me, even your mom and dad probably thought they would die if they didn’t see each other for a day when they started dating. While you may feel like picking up the phone and making that call every hour or so- texting, posting messages on his facebook and more- resist the temptation and leave room for some mystery. He should wonder where you are, what you are doing, and why you are not falling all over him. I know its soooo hard but you don’t want to appear desperate. Also, if you start to feel pressured, as if the boy you are dating or pursing is trying to rush things that you know are not appropriate, trust your gut and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.

 

 

  1. Trust your instinct: This is the most important thing I want to say to you. All of us have this little voice inside, called our instinct. Sadly, we don’t learn to really use or trust it until we are all grown up. The biggest challenge for girls in trusting their instinct is that your instinct or gut feeling normally goes against the very thing you want to do! So- while you are thinking, “Yes, this is right!” your gut is saying, “No, I don’t like this, it just doesn’t feel right.” I know it’s hard but I can’t tell you enough how important it is to start listening to your instinct and to trust it. Amazingly enough, that internal voice is part of your DNA, an animal instinct of sorts- you must listen to it because rarely is it wrong. If your gut says, “Leave this situation now,” just do it- even if having fun. You have this internal messaging system for a reason so learn to use it as it can literally save your life.

In closing…

Ah love- there is nothing like it, you can’t fight it, and you won’t ever fully understand it. It’s an amazing feeling that you will only experience once or twice in your lifetime so take your time and don’t rush it. If you have questions, ask your mom, auntie or person who shared this with you. You can also reach out to me at Traci@GYGB.com.

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.  If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. Moms and aunties- Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Sign up now for free at https://gygb.com/life-series/

 

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement

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Want to Get Your Girl Back? Each Tuesday, our topic is personal growth.  Since it’s the week of love, I would like to continue the conversation around relationships. Yesterday I talked to you about strategies you could use to put focus on improving the relationships in your life. Today, I would like to zero in on specific questions to help you reflect and ponder a little further ways you can grow passion in your relationship.

As you contemplate the words “personal growth” ask yourself the following questions:

  • How long have you been in the relationship you are in?
  • How have you changed since the inception of that relationship?
  • Has your relationship grown in its love and passion or begun to fizzle out?
  • On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life right now?
  • What needs to happen to make it a ten?
  • If you just got out of a relationship, what did you learn, how will you use that life lesson to grow and understand how to make better choices next time?

 

You can’t grow by remaining what you are. It’s so easy to look at our partners and find everything wrong with them. Today is about looking in the mirror and reflecting internally. Unless you answered, “10” on the scale of 1-10, I would like to ask you the following questions:

  • What is one thing you can do differently to improve your relationship, starting today?
    • Offer daily complements and words of support
    • Say I love you every day
    • Ask an open-ended question about your partner’s day? Ex. So is anything exciting going on at work?  
    • Is there something you find yourself doing regularly, that you know makes your partner feel bad, and that you will commit to stopping immediately?
      •  Nagging
      • Complaining
      • Blaming him for things going on in your life that he has no control over other than being the source of your frustration?
      • Do the clothes you wear or the look you have created match the way you want to feel when you see your partner on a daily basis?
        • Could it be time to trade sweats for cute jeans?
        • Why not leave your hair down rather than pull it up?
        • How would it feel to put on a little make up? Even just some fun lipstick!
        • How often do you make eye contact, true “look me in the eyes, I see you” eye contact?

These questions, while easy to answer, hold clues as to the strength of your current relationship. I realize not everyone is married, some are recently divorced, and others widowed. We are not all in the same situation. Yet if there is one thing I know for sure it’s that we were built to be with someone who will love and support us. It’s not in our nature to be alone- so whether you think so or not, if you don’t have a Valentine this year, odds are next year you will. So- my question to you is what kind of relationship do you want?

If you are going to spend your life a person, isn’t it important to you that it’s enjoyable, fun, and interesting? Just because you’ve been with someone for ten, fifteen or twenty years doesn’t mean it can’t be spicy and exciting! Yet to get that feeling, YOU have to put the time and energy in to create it. You must be mindful of creating a beautiful relationship – the one you always dreamed you would have! Self-reflection is the best place to start because we can’t change others- we can only change ourselves. The cool thing is that once you begin to put in effort and implement small changes, your partner will notice and begin to reciprocate. Think about it- everyone wants to be in love, to feel special, wanted, needed, and encouraged; including your special Valentine.

Stop right now, list out three things you will do to grow in your relationship this year.  Get inspired!

1._______________________________________________

2._______________________________________________

3._______________________________________________

Now think about how it will feel to see your relationship improve. Keep in mind that it’s going to take a concentrated effort and focus to see real change. Don’t get frustrated- instead, go on a mission to bring your girl back into the relationship and laugh more, put on music instead of the television and dance (no need for a special occasion), dine together as a family and bond over the amazing unit you have created, light a candle, talk, put on something pretty, do your hair, dab on a little makeup, spray a touch of perfume, and make the effort to let him know that you are lighting the flame in hopes of bringing the spark back into your love life!

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.  If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to.  Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Email Tara@TraciBild.com to register now and it’s free!  Details to follow!

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues


Our theme here at Get Your Girl Back for Mondays is FOCUS. With this being the week of love, a la Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share some thoughts on how your girl can make this year different. Rather than making a big deal about Valentine’s Day, how about making a big deal about your man or partner and the changes you would like to see in your relationship not for a day, but for the year and beyond?

I received this awesome email from one of our Get Your Girl Back Ambassadors in response to a blog I wrote on date night- this is a perfect example of the power of focus and how she used it to put FUN back into her marriage.

I was going on a date with my husband the night I read your blog- and I specifically went and changed out of my cardigan and turtleneck into a SKIRT (I never wear skirts) and a top that you could see my neck… (I don’t have cleavage)! I put on new makeup and perfume and had an attitude that we were going to have FUN.  It was great- We even had our kids take our picture before we left to go out.  Woo Hoo!

How cool is that? Whether you are single and looking for love or married and in love, commit to putting in the effort to do things differently this year and to reap the amazing rewards that come forward. Here are the strategies Dave and I have used for the past twenty years to keep the flames of passion alive. We met at the ripe old age of 21!  Twenty-two years later, while I can’t say our marriage is perfect, it’s pretty damn good. Look, if I’m spending the rest of my life with this guy, I want to enjoy it. Besides, when I met Dave I had my girl- it’s not fair to him if I don’t honor who I was when we met and of course continue to get better with age! So give these strategies a try:

1.            Adventure Night: Forget dinner and a movie! Turn date night into adventure night by doing things that are fun, foster laughter and real connection. Consider a comedy club, dancing, a cooking class, or sledding (all less expensive than dinner & a movie).

2.            Team Up: While you might do things better, odds are your husband wants to help, so let him and lavish complements often (don’t worry, he will reciprocate).

3.            Tough Talk: Don’t shy away from the tough topics that are eating at your relationship. Ask for ideas on how to resolve them and share your willingness to work through them openly.

4.            Slow Dance: It’s impossible to stay mad when slow dancing with the one you love. You will immediately start to smile, laugh and enter a better place.

5.            Vacation– Alone! It’s okay to leave the kids behind for a short vacation. Go ahead, book that weekend trip and eventually a trip to Italy or France together (what else are you going to do with all those credit card points?). The kids will have a great role model of how a healthy marriage should be.

6.            Dream Together: Find out what dreams your partner has and be sure to offer encouragement. Better yet, find a dream you can pursue together for an immediate spark to reignite the relationship.          

Me and my husband on date night!

Me and my husband on date night!

Stop for a moment and remember when you first fell in love. What did you used to do for fun together, what did you talk about, how did you dress, what dreams did you have…? Consider your relationship today, what do you do together now, what do you typically talk about, how do you dress when doing things together, what dreams- if any, do you share?

Could it be time to focus on creating the relationship you always dreamed you would have when you grew up? Use these ideas to start or create some of your own but take the first step, lead the way and start to reignite the flames of love and passion in your marriage or relationship this Valentine’s Day and keep the focus alive all year (or ponder the type of relationship you want). Please share your ideas for keeping the flames of love alive here on our blog and on our Facebook page (Get Your Girl Back movement) page so that others can give them a try! Love hearing from you!

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.  If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to.  Join our 10 Week Life Class Series starting Friday February 14th from 12-12:30 pm ET! Email Tara@TraciBild.com to register now and it’s free!  Details to follow!

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues


Time for You

Written by Guest Contributor Jennifer Ruyle.

With everything going on in our lives it’s so darn easy to overlook carving out time for ourselves, even just for a few hours. Blah Blah Blah. Not quite ladies.  From the moment I had my twins, now eight years old, I made a pact with my husband. One night during the week I would get my own night, and one night a week he would get his own night. Before you start objecting and saying…”well my husband couldn’t handle dinner or the kids need me to do this or that at bedtime or I worked all day won’t get to tuck in little Johnny”…here’s a thought – it’s ONE night.  No one will starve, no one will combust, no one will hate you.  So here’s how it goes.  Tuesdays are my night starting at 6pm when my husband arrives home, grumpy or not. I either go to a yoga class, grab some friends and get dinner, shop a bookstore or sit in my car listening to old 70s tunes. I return about 9pm – definitely after the kids are in their slumber. In turn, my husband chooses his night to go play softball in his very competitive over 40 league.

The key is this ONE night doesn’t negate a date night – which I do know realistically can’t always happen every week. But, unless there is a recital or major illness, my hubby and I have stuck to our ONE night for the past 8 years.  And I believe we are all happier for it.  It’s easy to make excuses, but if you and your husband can’t make this happen, then it’s going to be a long road ahead.  It’s a win-win for both of you so no one should be complaining. It’s a positive change you can make right now. The house may be a mess when you get home, and dinner may not be gourmet those two nights, but who cares.

Common obstacles:

Kids: “You’re going to yoga again this week…”         

YOU: “Yes, the more fit I am, the longer I will live for you.”

Kids: “Don’t leave Mommy, Daddy makes us eat weird food.”      

YOU:  “Mommy needs playdates, too right?”

Husband:  “So what should we do after dinner…”                      

YOU:  “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out. Have fun.”

Husband:  Sheer look of terror as you grab your keys to go.           

YOU:  Ignore or plant a very long kiss on his face. Then give a sultry goodbye.

And if you or your husband can’t think of anything to do on your ONE night, just ask for ideas by posting a comment to the blog post…I have trillions of ideas of how you can spend 2-3 hours enriching your life, YOUR LIFE, too.

If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to (we are starting a free 10 week class for our Ambassadors on January 7th so if you have not signed up yet, now is the time). If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at https://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!

 <a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>Hyper Smash</a>


 

While at the Women for Women International 20th Anniversary Gala this week, one of the speakers told of an amazing story that I will never forget. Helping women survivors of war, the Director on the ground in Bosnia had a gentleman come to a meeting on behalf of his wife. Hunched over and elderly he explained that his wife wanted to be in the Women for Women program yet she was too sickly to come to the meetings. The Director explained that in order to participate she actually had to attend the meetings herself. What he said I will never forget.

He began to tell the story of how their town came under sniper fire. Fleeing into the forest, to escape being killed, he fell and injured himself. He begged his wife to go on without him yet she refused. She sat down beside him and said, “If you stay, I stay. I am not leaving you.” She convinced her husband to climb onto her back. Running through the forest she carried him to safety, against all odds. Without her fierce determination and love, he would not have survived.

He went on to say, “My wife wants to be here, she is committed to being part of your program so I will carry her here on my back every single week if I have to, as she did for me.” And that he did. Week after week this man carried his ill wife to the Women for Women International meetings so that she could learn new job skills, understand her rights as a woman in Bosnia, and educate other women who like her were survivors of war.

This story moved me to tears. This love, unconditional and so beautiful reminded me of the power of the human spirit. Whether in Bosnia, the Congo, Iraq or the United States of America, none of us really knows what we are capable of until we are put to the test. It is in these times that our true strength, power, and ability are revealed. Whatever your challenge, know that you have more power than you think. You are strong, smart, determined and have the ability to change your circumstance and to do what you think you cannot.

I love the human spirit. Every day ordinary people do extraordinary things. I would love to hear your story and share it with our followers. You never know, your bravery might compel someone else to have the courage to do something they never thought they could. If you have a personal story or one you think our readers would enjoy, please submit it to me at Traci@GYGB.com. If you have a question and need support, ideas, or resources, please go to www.asktraci.com, ask your question, and I’ll reply right away, the best I can to help you.

Written by Traci Bild                            

Author, Speaker and Entrepreneur