I Opened the Door to My Daughter’s Cage- and Let her Fly

Two weeks ago I was sitting with my daughter Paris at the Barnes & Noble coffee shop. We were looking through books and casually talking over a bowl of chili. Killing some time before going to gymnastics, Paris looked up at me and said, “I wish I didn’t have to go to gym today.”

How many times has Paris said this to me over the past two years?

How often have I listened?

This time, I heard her and replied, “How about we don’t go back?”

I thought Paris was going to pass out. She looked at me and said, “Really mommy?” While I felt pangs in the pit of my stomach, something told me this was the right thing to do. The truth is Paris had not enjoyed gymnastics for a long time. I’ll go so far as to say it stole a little bit of her girl- piece- by- piece. It had started to chip away at her confidence, joy and happiness and I stood idly by. Year after year she stayed on the team and when prompted as to why she stayed, Paris responded, “I’m not a quitter.”

Interesting…It wasn’t because she loved it but due to the pressure of “Not being a quitter.” Reflecting on her time as a gymnast, I did see a drastic change. What started as something fun to do in her spare time turned into a part time job- friends became competitors, giggles during practice turned to silence and joy turned to a daily grind. It was no longer about developing skills and taking on new challenges; it was about winning. So this time I followed my gut and with six simple words, “How about we don’t go back?” freed my daughter.

Did I do The Right Thing?

I’m not going to say I didn’t feel sick to my stomach and sad for a week or so because I did. This was our life. Paris was at the gym three hours a day, four days a week; after a long day at school. Then she had to do hours of homework, sometimes not getting to bed until 10 pm.

As time passed and I began to process our decision, I felt elated. By allowing Paris the freedom to make her own choice I realized she would be able to explore new things and tap into her true gifts and talents. She became excited about trying a dance class, tumbling clinic, an art class, French tutoring and girl scouts with her friends. Paris started riding the bus home after school instead of heading straight to the gym and we were able to spend quality time with her, as a family. She became more excited about school projects and even homework!

As I watched Paris I felt “freedom” ooze out of her. I can’t even explain the emotion. It was like a new beginning, with opportunities everywhere. For the first time in years, she was free.  So here’s what I will confess- I loved watching Paris do gymnastics…something about seeing her run across the floor doing a back hand spring- back tuck reminded me of…well, me. I was a cheerleader who learned to tumble in high school and credit cheerleading with saving my life- literally (that’s another blog!). Could it be that I was somehow living through her?

Never a competitive mom, I always encouraged Paris to have fun and do her best. Yet I wonder, had she been doing gymnastics for me? Was she afraid I would think she was a quitter if she left? Was she spending her free time in a sport we chose for her because she didn’t want to let me down? Rarely complaining, going through the motions day after day, year after year, Paris continued on…until I opened the door to her cage and released her.

This experience has taught me a lot. It’s so important to stop and evaluate life and to have the courage to change direction when the current one stops working. Failure to do so will slowly steal your girl- the one who is inspired, happy and joyful.

What do you need to change in your own life? What about the lives of your children? While change is never easy, the truth is- you can’t grow by remaining what you are. Rather than be afraid of what you might lose, get inspired by what you just might gain.

Written by Traci Bild- Author, Speaker & Entrepreneur. Get a FREE Get Your Girl Back Dream Journal and spend some time off-line filling the pages with the images of what you hope to do in your relationship or marriage in the next year or decade! Go to www.GYGB.com for an instant download.

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Fear Stole My Confidence Today & I Lost Out

(from my Walking Zombie blog on WorkingMother.com)

Yesterday my family went zip lining at Calloway Gardens in the Georgia Mountains. We strapped on our gear, headed into the trees and zealously moved from one obstacle to the other. Two hours in we were still going strong until I realized we were close to the end of the main zip line course and about to enter the Lake course. Out of nowhere I started to sweat really bad- my hands were slipping from the lines, my t-shirt sticking to my chest and my heart beating faster and faster. Having done this very same course last year, I knew what was coming…the tree. As hard as I tried I couldn’t shake this horrible fear.

The lake course has three exhilarating zip lines. That- I wanted to do! But to get to the second one you must climb an eighty foot tree via a wooden rope ladder. Last year it took everything in my being to get up that ladder. This year, I knew what was coming. I had done it before but this was the first time our whole family was zip lining this course together and Noah’s first time at all! Dave was leading from the front and I was following up from the back. This had worked all day until we got closer and closer to the tree.

Ending the main course we walked over to the Lake. Shaking, I climbed up the first ladder, telling myself, “I can do this, I can do this!” but the reality is I had already talked myself out of it- I was terrified. How was I going to watch my two children climb an eighty foot ladder, step onto a platform high into the tree tops (and the size of my kitchen mat), and not pass out? Standing at the top of a smaller platform, I stared at the tree…taking it in, I told myself, “You’ve done this before, it’s no big deal, just climb the ladder, step onto the platform and zip over the lake!”

Then I looked down to see an employee and suddenly, I had my out! “Can I pay you to please follow my kids? I won’t let them go without someone behind them and honestly I don’t want to do it!” He offered to go, no charge and I was out- free from the torture of climbing the ladder up the tree. Someone would head up the front and back, ensuring my kids were safe but it wouldn’t be me. I was so relieved I wanted to cry. He went up and I went down…my family continued on.

I sat on a bench and watched from afar. As I saw my eight and ten year old children climb the tree I realized I had failed them. I let fear, false evidence appearing real, steal my confidence and in turn my joy. My fear would keep me from the feeling of accomplishment and adrenaline my family would feel- instead, I would be defeated. The truth is, I had done this before, had fun, and challenged myself in a huge way. The only thing different this year is I let fear get the best of me.

tree photo

How many times have you let fear get the best of you? Perhaps you had the opportunity to take a promotion and out of fear, declined and missed the opportunity of a lifetime. Maybe you were offered a job oversees but declined due to your fear of the unknown or you wanted to launch a new business but changed your mind for fear of failure. Fear is very real and as I learned yesterday, it can steal your girl in a nanosecond. That girl who stops at nothing to get what she wants, who is bold, confident and full of hope. Looking back on my experience I realize that yesterday, fear won. The next time we battle, I will win. What about you?

I’m coming to your house!

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I’ll be on Daytime today talking about Summertime Stress for Moms: the kids are getting out of school and moms are freaking out!  We’ll go over ways to keep your sanity and have just as much fun as the kids this summer.

Here’s where you can find when Daytime airs in YOUR city:  http://www.wfla.com/story/21922750/daytime-where-we-air

 

 

 

 

 

Life or Vacation, Which Do You Prefer? 1 Compelling Reason to Find Your Passion!

paris and I

Today’s blog focus in on THINKING! After all, we are what we think we are. As I was packing up to leave Breckenridge after a fun week of skiing with my kids, what kept running through my mind is, “I’m so glad my life is more exciting than my vacation!” Odd right? – But it’s true, while I love to go on vacation, I always love coming back home and getting into the routine of work, family, and play. If you don’t feel the same, perhaps it’s time for a reinvention? Here are a few questions to ask yourself right now:

  • Am I passionate about my marriage or relationship; is it fun, exciting and am I enjoying the journey I’m sharing with my partner?
  • Am I passionate about being a mom (or auntie)? Do I look forward to the morning or dread the daily grind? Do I see those sporting events as a chance for my kids to grow, learn and play or as a job I must do and that wears me down? Is homework crushing, does the grind never end?
  • Am I passionate about my job or career or do I dream of retiring or finding something else that utilizes my gifts or talents?
  • Am I passionate about my life or am I just getting through it?

I have chosen the work passion on purpose. Life is what you make it and in the whole scheme of thing it’s so short- think how fast it’s gone so far! Living with passion ensures that you are living in the moment, with gratitude and are fully present. How you think about your day, week or month and the many events that make that time up, is your choice. It’s amazing what the power of thought and focus, THINKING differently can do for your life. Here is how you can think differently, starting today!

  • Typical thought: I just wish my husband would help with the house and the kids, I’m exhausted, he doesn’t understand!
    • Change to: My husband is my partner and all I need to do is ask for help and let him help. He may not do it like me but I appreciate any and all help offered! I’m so grateful for my partner.
    • Typical thought: I’m a cab driver, I’ve been here at the gym four days so far this week, I’m so tired of being here.
      • Change to: It’s my choice to be here with my daughter (or son), giving her this incredible opportunity. Then decide- what can you do with that time that you enjoy? Maybe bring your scrapbook on those days and get caught up, journal, get ahead on work by bringing your laptop, etc. Use that time for something productive and remember that this is a choice you have made. If it’s too much, don’t do it. If you’re going to do it, do it with joy.
      • Typical thought: I dread going to work today, no one appreciates me, it’s boring, but I have to go to feed my family.
        • Change to: I’m grateful for this job and the resources it provides. However, I am open and receptive to the ideas and thoughts that will lead me to my dream job that leverages my talents and abilities. I am being drawn to what I was born to do!

As you put focus on your thoughts, they will begin to change to what you want, can do and have in your life. Amazing tools, resources, and people will begin to show up and it will freak you out! That my friend is called the Law of Attraction and it is real. So- pay attention to what’s on your mind. Use that great tool you have, it’s absolutely free and you can use it whenever you wish and each time you do so it will only work harder and harder for you!

If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/ and see what we’re working on how it can help you!

Written by Traci Bild, Author Entrepreneur