growth

Want to Get Your Girl Back? Each Tuesday, our topic is personal growth.  Since it’s the week of love, I would like to continue the conversation around relationships. Yesterday I talked to you about strategies you could use to put focus on improving the relationships in your life. Today, I would like to zero in on specific questions to help you reflect and ponder a little further ways you can grow passion in your relationship.

As you contemplate the words “personal growth” ask yourself the following questions:

• How long have you been in the relationship you are in?
• How have you changed since the inception of that relationship?
• Has your relationship grown in its love and passion or begun to fizzle out?
• On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life right now?
• What needs to happen to make it a ten?
• If you just got out of a relationship, what did you learn, how will you use that life lesson to grow and understand how to make better choices next time?

You can’t grow by remaining what you are. It’s so easy to look at our partners and find everything wrong with them. Today is about looking in the mirror and reflecting internally. Unless you answered, “10” on the scale of 1-10, I would like to ask you the following questions:

• What is one thing you can do differently to improve your relationship, starting today?
  • Offer daily complements and words of support
  • Say I love you every day
  • Ask an open-ended question about your partner’s day? Ex. So is anything exciting going on at work?  
  • Is there something you find yourself doing regularly, that you know makes your partner feel bad, and that you will commit to stopping immediately?
    •  Nagging
    • Complaining
    • Blaming him for things going on in your life that he has no control over other than being the source of your frustration?
    • Do the clothes you wear or the look you have created match the way you want to feel when you see your partner on a daily basis?
      • Could it be time to trade sweats for cute jeans?
      • Why not leave your hair down rather than pull it up?
      • How would it feel to put on a little make up? Even just some fun lipstick!
      • How often do you make eye contact, true “look me in the eyes, I see you” eye contact?

These questions, while easy to answer, hold clues as to the strength of your current relationship. I realize not everyone is married, some are recently divorced, and others widowed. We are not all in the same situation. Yet if there is one thing I know for sure it’s that we were built to be with someone who will love and support us. It’s not in our nature to be alone- so whether you think so or not, if you don’t have a Valentine this year, odds are next year you will. So- my question to you is what kind of relationship do you want?

If you are going to spend your life a person, isn’t it important to you that it’s enjoyable, fun, and interesting? Just because you’ve been with someone for ten, fifteen or twenty years doesn’t mean it can’t be spicy and exciting! Yet to get that feeling, YOU have to put the time and energy in to create it. You must be mindful of creating a beautiful relationship – the one you always dreamed you would have! Self-reflection is the best place to start because we can’t change others- we can only change ourselves. The cool thing is that once you begin to put in effort and implement small changes, your partner will notice and begin to reciprocate. Think about it- everyone wants to be in love, to feel special, wanted, needed, and encouraged; including your special Valentine.

Stop right now, list out three things you will do to grow in your relationship this year.  Get inspired!

1._______________________________________________

2._______________________________________________

3._______________________________________________

Now think about how it will feel to see your relationship improve. Keep in mind that it’s going to take a concentrated effort and focus to see real change. Don’t get frustrated- instead, go on a mission to bring your girl back into the relationship and laugh more, put on music instead of the television and dance (no need for a special occasion), dine together as a family and bond over the amazing unit you have created, light a candle, talk, put on something pretty, do your hair, dab on a little makeup, spray a touch of perfume, and make the effort to let him know that you are lighting the flame in hopes of bringing the spark back into your love life!

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Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues