UPDATE ON LAST WEEK’S POPULAR BLOG- HOW MY 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER LOST PART OF HER GIRL

Paris on bars- Being a champion is about ability and character, both must be built.

Paris on bars- Being a champion is about ability and character, both must be built.

Sharing the story of what happened to my ten year old daughter Paris last week on my blog, http://bit.ly/1djkyGQ was really difficult. It’s not always easy to open up and share your wounds with other people. Yet it seems that her experience resonated with our readers in a powerful way. I’ve had many questions from wonderful people about “the rest of the story,” so here it is.

If you have not read the blog yet, please do so now http://bit.ly/1djkyGQ and then come back to this one.

In response to Paris’s experience at gymnastics, I scheduled an appointment to go in and talk with her coach. However, I would not be doing the talking, Paris would. Dave and I asked the coach to sit down with Paris and explain to her personally what was going on. When we picked Paris up from school she asked why both Dave and I were in the car and why we were going to the gym with her. We responded that she had an appointment with her coach and that we were simply there to support her. That she needed to find out why she was being yanked from her team workout, ask as many questions as she had, and decide what she wanted to do going forward. This was her deal, not ours. The important lesson we wanted to impart, no matter how hard it was on our hearts was that as a girl of ten, she needed to start handling her own problems and learn how to resolve them, communicate and process her emotions versus daddy and I swooping in to save her!

The Truth Hurts…

While very difficult to admit, her coach was probably correct in moving Paris to another group. Coming from a different gym two years ago, with different methods, Paris was still catching up at this elite gym. Loving gymnastics for the sport, not the competition, she was falling behind in comparison to the girls “there to win.” The coach explained everything and apologized for the way she informed Paris, in front of her peers-that she would no longer be part of the group.

I asked Paris, who was devastated just a day prior, what she wanted to do. Her options were to quit, move to a different gym, go into a group that was not competitive or press forward and show people what she was made of and fight to get back into the group she loves. She chose to stay right where she was, in the group her coach moved her to. I was so proud of her. Through my pain as a mom, watching my little girl face the trials of growing up, I prayed she would make this choice. We’ve faced tough things before and I’ve tried to make sure she knows that it is not what happens in life but how you respond to what happens that matters.

On a Mission…

The night we got home from the gym, Paris moved her balance beam up from the garage to the living room. Is this love or what? I now have a floor level beam in my living room and a gymnast on it around the clock. Yet I know this time will pass… and if this is what it takes to show our love and support, we’ll keep that darn balance beam in the living room for as long as it takes.

The next six months will be hard for Paris, she will feel many emotions as she watches her best friends all work out together four days a week while she is in a group with girls she doesn’t know. She will deal with her humiliation, feelings of inadequacies, (perceived) failure and embarrassment. Yet those emotions, I have a strong feeling, will begin to build a new part of her character, strengthen her resolve to prove she is capable and just might produce a champion who  was lying within; waiting to be awoken!

What I Learned….God Help Me!

As a mom it was so hard to not jump in and fix this problem for Paris. I was literally screaming and crying inside, having never seen her in that emotional state before I wanted to go into the gym and demand they put her back into her regular team practice group, with her teammates that she loved- tell them they were wrong, or had made a mistake. Yet in my heart, I knew this would not prepare her for the world. So moms, when the going gets tough and you face a moment like we did, which you will, remember this story, reach out to us for support, and know that a caterpillar cannot become a butterfly if a person helps it break out of its cocoon. It must struggle and fight to get out and in doing so its wings strengthen; which in turn allows it to fly. If you want your child to fly, you must let her (or him) struggle to grow her wings.

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s.  If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to.

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues

 

 

 

 

  

Girls, don’t let anyone take away your SPARKLE

This message is for your daughter or niece…please pass it on. I’m taking a darn lemon and turning it into lemonade. As I write I am fuming with anger- If you have not yet read my blog, Last Night, I Saw it Before My Eyes, Her Girl Ripped Out of Her Heart & It Broke Mine Into Pieces, stop and read it now.

In response to my own experience of losing my girl and seeing my daughter, begin to start the same process at age 9 and 10, I have decided to dedicate a weekly blog for our daughters, nieces and girls we love who are growing up in a competitive, dog eat dog, complex world. When you receive this blog, be sure to forward to her email, print for her to review at the dinner table, tuck into her back pack or text her to read. I refuse to just sit by and watch the environment in which our girls are raised, without raising my hand and voice, to make a difference. I need your help, please to spread the word and these blogs. Together we can impact little girls lives and of course their mothers through the Get Your Girl Back blog.

This message is specifically for girls, 8-17, who are developing mentally, physically and in confidence and belief in their ability to be somebody. SO GIRLS THIS MESSAGE IS FOR YOU!

1. Don’t Ever Let Anyone Steal Your Sparkle: Odds are you have an amazing spirit, laugh a lot, love to have fun and don’t take yourself too seriously. This is wonderful and you must hold on to this as long as you can. If someone tells you anything along the lines of:

a. You’re not good enough (to be on our team, to enter that competition, to be my friend, etc.); you must stand up for yourself, no matter how hard it is. Here are some examples: You can respond with something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I don’t. In fact, I’m going to …try out for the team, register for the competition today, stick with my friends who get me because clearly you don’t.”

b. Your heart will beat, you will probably need to run into the restroom and cry, but you will feel empowered for standing up for yourself and the person piercing you with cruel words; kid or adult, will think twice about doing it again.

2. Breathe: Sounds silly but take a big, deep breath in…hold it…and let it out slowly. Do this two or three times, if not more. This technique will immediately calm your nerves and help you regain control.

3. Think! Before taking action, due to anger or frustration, really think about what you want to do. In short, don’t act without thinking. Give yourself an hour or even a day to decide what is best for you. We all think better when we are calm.

4. Respond: Take action girlfriend! Do what you know you are capable of because you want to and remember, you don’t need anyone’s permission to be great. God put you on this earth for a reason, so find it, and let your light shine!

 sparkle

Look, while this may be hard to understand, it’s a fact, life is what YOU make it. Bad stuff is going to happen, what matters is how you respond to it. Here are a few cool people to remember when things get tough!

* Albert Einstein didn’t speak until age four and didn’t read until age seven. His teachers labeled him “slow” and “mentally handicapped.” But Einstein just had a different way of thinking. He later won the Nobel Prize in physics.

* Oprah Winfrey was fired from her television reporting job because they told her she wasn’t fit to be on screen. But Winfrey rebounded and became the undisputed queen of television talk shows. She’s also a billionaire.

* Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected by 27 different publishers. He’s now the most popular children’s book author ever.

No matter what- never, ever, ever, ever give up. Trust in your ability, your natural gifts, talents and abilities, make decisions that are best for you- not those that are cool or going to impress your friends. And remember, your girl, the one with all the sparkle, joy and happiness? She doesn’t want to leave…she wants to stay, play and remain a part of your life so pay attention and keep her close!

 

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & Empowerment Expert

 

 

Last Night, I Saw it Before My Eyes, Her Girl Ripped Out of Her Heart & It Broke Mine Into Pieces

Last night I literally witnessed the loss of a girl. I saw her dissipate before my very eyes and it ripped my heart out. Worse yet, the little girl who was seeing her innocence, passion and purpose in life ripped away- was just ten years old and my daughter, Paris. 

As the founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement, I know what it’s like to lose my girl, trust me; I speak from experience. I can’t begin to describe the feeling of seeing it happen to another person, particularly someone you love- it’s indescribable. While difficult to write about it is my hope that you will become aware of what this movement is really about and be able to help both women and girls understand who their girl is, her power, and how important it is to FIGHT for her at all cost because once you lose her you have to fight like hell to get her back!

There She Goes…

Paris is a competitive gymnast and has been for the past four years (and has been in gymnastics since the age of four). She spends 15 hours a week at the gym, works her tail off and is not what some might call a natural. She has to fight for every win, confront her fears weekly, and work twice as hard at her skills as the girls with natural ability. Yet she pushes through. Paris just ended her competition season and improved at every meet. Excited the season was over, she was just starting to work on new skills, challenge herself and talked every day of the new things she was doing and how empowering it was to grow in her gymnastic levels and move up with the big girls. 

Then six words stole her girl. One of her coaches walked up to her and said, “You’re not going to Optionals ” which is the next level. Paris was stunned.  Told to go practice with the young girls, a level down, she was completely humiliated as her peers stood by and watched. She didn’t know what was going on or why she was being moved. There was no explanation, no curiosity of pulling her aside or talking to her about what was happening.  She walked out of the gym crying like I’ve never seen and struggling to breathe. She said she was sick but I knew something was up. I hugged her and asked if someone said something mean to her. After some prodding she opened up and told me what happened. I’ve never, in ten years, seen Paris cry so hard. She was broken, humiliated, isolated from her friends, and worst of all? She didn’t even know why. 

Paris, finding comfort and unconditional love with Winter.

You Just Lost a Piece of Your Girl

I counseled Paris the best I knew how and then I told her, “Paris, I hate to tell you this but you just lost a part of your girl (she is crazy about this movement but I don’t think really got it until last night). I’m sorry. I wish this didn’t happen but it did and it will happen more often as you get older. What you must do is decide right now who you are, what you are made of and how you will respond.” Let’s be honest, I was dying inside. 

Paris is ten; so far I’ve seen her lose a bit of her girl on two occasions with this being the worse. What blows my mind is how young it starts, and the weapon most often used: Words, cast by others, that steal our confidence and belief in our abilities. 

How old are you? Can you remember when you first began to lose your girl? Did it happen all at once or over time, bit… by bit… by bit? Guess what? It’s time to fight for your girl because she is there inside you waiting to come back.

This movement was created to remind you of your girl, to help you understand who she was and where she went. Together we can prevent any further loss of your girl, as well as help your daughters, nieces, and dear friends keep from losing theirs.  If you are brave, please share on my blog, your memory so we can all better understand, unite, and deal with this loss and then put on our boxing gloves!  I would also love to share in future blogs as examples for our daughters.  On a personal note, if you know me, PLEASE do not mention this experience to your child if a friend of my daughter’s or speak of in front of her. I am using this experience, even though very difficult, to teach and help you and the girls you love. At the end of the day Paris is a superhero- she will put on her armor and fight back, because that is who she is and as a result she will grow stronger. The same holds true for you.  PLEASE WATCH LATER TODAY FOR MY FIRST EVER BLOG, WRITTEN FOR YOUR DAUGHTER OR NIECE. I WILL DEDICATE ONE PER WEEK GOING FORWARD.  If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to. 

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues