Get Your Girl Back

{Guest Blog Post} I am not as good as…

August 12, 2014

I like to bring new women into the Get Your Girl Back conversation by having them contribute guest blog posts to the website. We can learn so much from each other! I met Angie last week at the Younique conference and we hit it off right away. She has such a powerful story. Without further ado, here’s Angie!

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I am not as good as…

I was walking the track the other day with my son when a woman ran by us. Immediately, I stopped listening to my son and started an internal dialogue comparing myself to this woman. “Why am I not doing that?” “Wow, look at her figure!” “She is amazing and, because I can’t do that, I am not.” “I wish I could be like her…” Then, the realization of what I was doing hit me! I was doing exactly what I had just told my son to stop doing!

The conversation that I lost with my son was all about being judgmental. He was talking to me about comparing himself to others – either for the better or the worse. I had told him that judging others and ourselves only makes us unhappy. It makes us unable to see the beauty in both ourselves as well as other people. And here I was doing exactly that! As soon as I started comparing myself to this amazing woman on the track, I stopped seeing what was beautiful in me. I began judging myself and believing that I am not as good as she is. Of course, that is simply not true! I am amazing, too! We all are!

Don’t get me wrong, looking at what others have and are able to do can help us aspire to be able to do or to have the same things. However, when we judge ourselves as less than because we aren’t at the same level, we lose the ability to ever have or do those things. We also put a barrier between ourselves and them. When you look at someone else and judge them to be better than you, you create a situation where you cannot learn from them. You put them up on a pedestal and aren’t able to hear their teachings. As a middle school teacher, I constantly tell my students that we are equal, that my position as a teacher doesn’t change the fact that we are all human beings. The students who believe this are the students who learn the most and have the most fun doing so! They are also the students who teach me the most!

Here I was again in a situation to learn from a fellow human being and I was creating that barrier. I put this woman on a pedestal and suddenly put her teachings out of my reach. I decided right then and there that was not okay with me! I decided that I needed to ask her to come to my girl group and talk to all of us. I wanted to learn from her! I will have to do that another time, though, she breezed around me a couple of times while I was musing and I couldn’t find her by the time that I was ready. I look forward to seeing her next time! Of course, now that my eyes were open, I was able to see the beauty in so many men and women around me; I also was not afraid of them!

As I moved into the next activity with my son, stretching out those sore muscles, I saw a beautiful woman on the weight machines. She was tall, muscular, absolutely gorgeous, and covered in inspiring tattoos. I just had to talk to her! I waited until she had finished her sets and then introduced myself. I learned that she started working out 2 years ago, that she had not always been able to do what I saw her doing today, that she had not always felt amazing. She had a story to share. She had once been where I am right now! She agreed to come to my group and talk to me and the girls – yes, we are all women, but we all love and embrace our girl! I am ecstatic to have met her and cannot wait to hear her story so I can learn to do what she has done and then do it myself! I AM as GOOD as!

Written by Angela St-Germain, middle school ESL teacher and founder of Mascara and Muchness. Follow Angela on Facebook (Mistress of Muchnesss or personal profile Angela St-Germain) for more inspiration and ideas on being muchier!

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10 Reasons Why You Work

July 7, 2014

Here’s my article from Working Mother magazine’s website on why I work. I encourage you to journal these ideas for yourself, or hang up your list where you can see it daily. It WILL motivate you!

On the window of my office I have a list that describes the top ten reasons why I work. When feeling discouraged or uncertain, I reflect on this list. As I write this blog, I’m experiencing in real time several of those reasons. Currently, I’m on a train with my family heading from Paris to London. On my prized list of why I work is to afford to travel, to show my children the world, and to experience adventure in my life. So here I am…as I sip my tea, gaze out the window at the winding streams, farm land and cattle, I am grateful that I work. Yes, I have bouts of guilt. I struggle with balancing the demands of family and home while owning a business. But at this moment, I’m experiencing the rewards of my effort.

At a Paris cafe with my family this past week.

Stop and consider why you work. Odds are something drives you to do so and hopefully it’s more than a paycheck. Whether you like the challenge your work provides, the mental focus it requires or the benefits it brings your family I’m certain there are very specific reasons why you work. If you don’t yet have a top ten list of reasons why you work, consider creating one today. The first four or five reasons will come easily to you. As you begin to work on numbers six through ten you will really have to think, “So why do I work, what does it do for me and what specifically do I get out of it?” This exercise is incredibly powerful because it will force you to reflect on all the little things work provides but that you take for granted. Another on my list is to be challenged and stimulated mentally- without this I would go crazy! So what about you?

Use the space below to create your own top 10 reasons why you work:

Struggling to finish those last few spaces? It’s okay, give yourself some time to reflect and come up with the right reasons versus just rushing to fill in blank spaces. Once you have your top ten, print it out and post this list where you can see it every day. While I rarely look at my top ten, when I do, it’s a lifesaver. In those moments I’m typically experiencing some sort of anxiety, fear or major challenge in my business. Looking at this list brings focus, clarity and a reminder as to why I’m pressing forward rather than giving up, why I get up every day and do what I do and most importantly the difference I’m making in the world. I promise, it will do the same for you!

Written by Traci Bild, work-life balance expert and Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement. Get a free Get Your Girl Back Dream Journal to create your list of why and fill the pages with the dreams you hold dear to your heart.

The Dream Job- To Get to the End Let’s Go Back to the Beginning

June 30, 2014

I posted earlier today on my Working Mother magazine blog “Walking Zombie” about this interesting dynamic in what we want as a young professional and the reality of what needs to happen to get there.

By the way, there are so many neat blogs on Working Mother magazine’s website! I hope you can go over there to check them out sometime: www.workingmother.com.

Here’s the full blog post:

I was at dinner last night with Dave and two of our lifelong friends Joe and Rebecca. Joe, who has an amazing job in the medical field, was sharing a story about a mother who asked if he would let her son shadow a case he was working on. The goal was to expose her son to Joe’s field of work in hopes that he might follow suit.

The day came and Joe happily took this young man under his wing, showing him the ins and outs of his job. In short, he sells heart stints to heart surgeons, participates in surgeries, showing Doctors how to use his product properly upon purchase and spends lots of time “after work” forging lasting relationships as it’s a highly competitive field.

At the end of the day together, the young man looked at Joe and exclaimed, “Wow, I want to do this! How do I get started?” Joe sat him down and said, “Well you don’t actually start here. Let me take you back to the beginning, twenty years ago, with my first pharmaceutical sales job.” He went on to trace his career path, which wondered down many roads…some good, some not so good… but that ultimately ended with the amazing position he holds today. When he finished sharing his story, the boy looked at Joe and said, “Wow, you had to do all that to get to this? Can’t I just start here? That’s going to take a long time!”

Don’t we all wish we could start at the end, with the dream job or highly successful business? Yet rarely if ever does one just end up in the job of a lifetime. Great jobs require lots of knowledge, experience and confidence; they are earned. Sitting with Joe, Rebecca, and Dave, there was an unspoken level of respect for one another as we all started out with nothing but strong work ethic, determination and huge dreams for our futures.

While we are all very successful today, living what some might consider “The good life,” each of us still works as if we never caught that dream– we are consistently pushing ourselves harder, striving to learn, grow and achieve more. Each of the positions that led us to the place we are today was important. One job led to another and in most cases some sort of promotion and increase in responsibility and income. None of us imagined those steps would move us to the careers we have today. In Joe’s case, he didn’t even know the job existed…he was a finance major in college…and today he is teaching surgeons how to use his product in real surgeries! How crazy is that? And Dave- out of all his friends in college, he and one other guy are still in the business. The path to becoming a Captain at a major airline is so difficult that most just pursued other fields. I’m so proud of him because he stayed the course and kept his eye on the big dream.

Some of us, like Dave, have a set path that is well mapped out and lands at a certain position- such as a doctor, lawyer or other professional career position. Others, like Joe, Rebecca and I ended up in unexpected, surprising places that far exceeded what we had planned for our lives. The point is that you are where you are for a reason. What might seem remedial today is providing you with skills that will be vital to the next step in your career tomorrow. What matters is that you are moving forward, advancing toward the future, being challenged, growing, learning and allowing life to deliver those unexpected, but blissful surprises you couldn’t possibly imagine for yourself.

The other thing to keep in mind is that you must have patience. No matter where you are right now, do what you do with passion and give it 110% so long as it is moving you in the direction of your dreams. Set goals and push to go to the next level in your life and when the timing is right, you will get there! Also know that there is no real “there.” Once you land at what you thought was your dream job, odds are you will have another in mind- that’s good because it means you are growing, learning and pushing to the next glorious level in life and when you do that, you are alive!

While you may feel at times like the young man Joe mentored, wondering if you have what it takes to walk the long road to your dreams, realize that if the dream burns deep in your heart, it will be worth every step. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking!

Written by Traci Bild, work-life balance expert and Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement. Follow us on Facebook (Get Your Girl Back movement) for more inspiration and ideas to live a life of adventure, fun and sheer bliss! To download the first chapter of Traci’s forthcoming book, Get Your Girl Back, visit http://gygb.com/the-book/.

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The Truth Hurts- Excuses I Made, Opportunities I Missed

June 20, 2014

(posted today on my Working Mother magazine’s “Walking Zombie” blog)

Last year while on vacation I repeatedly told myself a big fat lie- At an amazing adventure camp for both kids and parents, I had the opportunity to learn the flying trapeze, to water ski, tube, and more. While I did indulge some, on many occasions I simply opted out. To be honest, I don’t even know why…it was just easier to say, “No thank you, I’m good,” and encourage my kids to participate.

But the truth is, each time Dave or the kids did something really cool like swing from the trapeze, I thought to myself how amazing it would be to give it a try. Yet time after time I just sat and watched. Looking back, I now realize that much of my resistance was a combination of fear of the unknown, the inability to get outside my comfort zone and pure laziness. It just took too much effort. Each time, after I passed, I would get this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to dive in and have crazy fun, I did! It was just easier to watch everyone else have it.

We want back to Callaway Gardens again this year. I’m quite certain this is now going to be an annual family tradition. I made a mental decision that this time; I was not going to sit it out. I was going to step out of my comfort zone, face my fears and do all the things I refused to do last year. I also had this gut feeling that my daughter Paris, who is ten, was watching every decision I made. As her mother and mentor, if I wasn’t going to do it for myself, I was going to do it for her.

In the course of one week, I raced Dave on a crazy water obstacle course called aqua island and laughed so hard I almost passed out, water skied, tubed, climbed an 80 foot tree that scared the life out of me and zip lined over a beautiful lake, biked for hours on end, studied garden ideas at an edible garden, learned how to do a backflip on a flying trapeze, caught lightening bugs, and sat alone in an old chapel along a wooded path and pondered my life.

Who do you think had more fun? The stuffy woman who chose to sit it out or the adventurous girl who chose to dive in? The only difference between last year and this year was my mindset. Last year I had no intention, I was just there, on vacation with my family. This year I set out with the intention to have a blast and to do everything that scared and got me out of my comfort zone. This by far was one of the best vacations of my life. While I’ve been to France, Spain, Germany, the BVI and more…this little place in the Georgia mountains stole my heart because it called to the girl in me and beckoned me to play. I am so glad I said yes! I still can’t believe the impact it had on my life.

When is the last time you did something daring, adventurous, and crazy fun? What inhibitions are holding you back from letting the girl inside you come out to play? Whether at work, home or while on vacation, I challenge you to set your intention in regards to how you want to be, what you wish to feel and the experiences you desire to have and then set about creating them. Like me, you may just find it changes your life.

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A Millionaire’s Confession: I Don’t Feel Worthy

June 16, 2014

I recently blogged on Savor Magazine’s site about a moment recently where I didn’t feel “worthy” enough. Yes, it still happens. Well all I can say is WOW! Your responses were so moving. I’m sharing the article again here in case you didn’t read it. One thing is very clear: the power we have to lift each other up is amazing and I’m thankful for my working mother sisterhood.

Here’s what I wrote:

In a Savor mastermind meeting today with a group of women I regularly meet with in New York City, I felt the blood drain from my head, my fingertips go numb and my eyes fill with tears. My mentor, Angela Jia Kim, had challenged me to a moment of truth and I was not ready for it.

We were discussing my brand when she said, “Your brand is about giving people hope. Throughout your life you’ve had different individuals tell you that you weren’t good enough, and as a result, you’ve worked your ass off to prove them wrong. Traci, you are still trying to prove your worth.”

Having known me for two years, it was no use to try to pretend she was wrong. Sitting in front of nine business peers, I almost collapsed on the floor in tears.

The fact is, I’m 44 years old and still holding on to the words of my ninth grade English teacher who said, “You’re just not a good writer”; the college classmate who out of nowhere said, “I don’t know why you are here. One day I’m going to be your boss”; the fellow cheerleader in high school who came over for pre-game pizza at our apartment and said, “Yuck, you have roaches in your cabinet.”

Today, my armor of accolades offered no protection. The successful business, published books, and spoils of success were shattered by the raw truth: I don’t feel worthy. I was busted.

Despite my discomfort, I needed this moment of vulnerability. The grown woman, Traci Bild, has spent the last 25 years trying to rescue the young girl, Traci Shafer, who was trying to prove her worth to the world.

I took a deep breath, wiped the tears from my eyes, and for the first time in my life acknowledged this truth. While difficult, it was incredibly liberating. I’ve been in prison for years and today, thanks to my mentor, I was given the keys to freedom.

It is now up to me to decide whether to stay a prisoner of these limiting thoughts, or to set myself free, and I choose freedom! Going forward, I will speak, write and work not to prove I’m good enough, but for the purpose I believe so powerfully in – to help women find THEIR all versus IT all.

Words are powerful and can impact our lives in tremendous ways. Perhaps it’s time to consider your own truth – what beliefs are you holding onto that are limiting your ability to step into your destiny? While not easy to ponder, the truth will set you free.

Homework Assignment:

Answer these questions in your journal:

1. What labels have you picked up that need to be shed?

2. Journal about this today and see where it leads you.

– See more at: http://blog.savorthesuccess.com/dream/worthy/#sthash.IEc6OWw5.dpuf

Fear Stole My Confidence Today & I Lost Out

June 9, 2014

(from my Walking Zombie blog on WorkingMother.com)

Yesterday my family went zip lining at Calloway Gardens in the Georgia Mountains. We strapped on our gear, headed into the trees and zealously moved from one obstacle to the other. Two hours in we were still going strong until I realized we were close to the end of the main zip line course and about to enter the Lake course. Out of nowhere I started to sweat really bad- my hands were slipping from the lines, my t-shirt sticking to my chest and my heart beating faster and faster. Having done this very same course last year, I knew what was coming…the tree. As hard as I tried I couldn’t shake this horrible fear.

The lake course has three exhilarating zip lines. That- I wanted to do! But to get to the second one you must climb an eighty foot tree via a wooden rope ladder. Last year it took everything in my being to get up that ladder. This year, I knew what was coming. I had done it before but this was the first time our whole family was zip lining this course together and Noah’s first time at all! Dave was leading from the front and I was following up from the back. This had worked all day until we got closer and closer to the tree.

Ending the main course we walked over to the Lake. Shaking, I climbed up the first ladder, telling myself, “I can do this, I can do this!” but the reality is I had already talked myself out of it- I was terrified. How was I going to watch my two children climb an eighty foot ladder, step onto a platform high into the tree tops (and the size of my kitchen mat), and not pass out? Standing at the top of a smaller platform, I stared at the tree…taking it in, I told myself, “You’ve done this before, it’s no big deal, just climb the ladder, step onto the platform and zip over the lake!”

Then I looked down to see an employee and suddenly, I had my out! “Can I pay you to please follow my kids? I won’t let them go without someone behind them and honestly I don’t want to do it!” He offered to go, no charge and I was out- free from the torture of climbing the ladder up the tree. Someone would head up the front and back, ensuring my kids were safe but it wouldn’t be me. I was so relieved I wanted to cry. He went up and I went down…my family continued on.

I sat on a bench and watched from afar. As I saw my eight and ten year old children climb the tree I realized I had failed them. I let fear, false evidence appearing real, steal my confidence and in turn my joy. My fear would keep me from the feeling of accomplishment and adrenaline my family would feel- instead, I would be defeated. The truth is, I had done this before, had fun, and challenged myself in a huge way. The only thing different this year is I let fear get the best of me.

How many times have you let fear get the best of you? Perhaps you had the opportunity to take a promotion and out of fear, declined and missed the opportunity of a lifetime. Maybe you were offered a job oversees but declined due to your fear of the unknown or you wanted to launch a new business but changed your mind for fear of failure. Fear is very real and as I learned yesterday, it can steal your girl in a nanosecond. That girl who stops at nothing to get what she wants, who is bold, confident and full of hope. Looking back on my experience I realize that yesterday, fear won. The next time we battle, I will win. What about you?

Sometimes You Just have to be Bold, Brave and Badass

May 27, 2014

(as seen on my blog earlier this week on WorkingMother.com)

I lost my phone while in Phoenix this week. The next morning I called my husband David and asked him to use the Find My Phone app to track it down. While I was hoping it was still in the hotel, sadly it was about ten miles away at a Chinese medicine store on South Central Ave. Not sure what to do I decided to just let it go. Clearly, someone from the hotel found it on the table where I left it and took it. I really wasn’t in the mood for a confrontation.

I went to meet my BFF Shamim Wu, who works in my industry and while listening to her talk I thought, “I wonder if she would go with me to track down my phone?” Wearing a gorgeous white Chanel suit, I thought it better to skip the idea all together when out of the blue I said, “Shamim, my phone is about ten minutes from the hotel, will you go with me to get it?” Head of sales for a billion dollar organization, I wasn’t sure this was such a good idea…but the truth is Shamim is a kick ass woman who knows no fear. While her boss might not like the idea of me dragging her into my investigation, I knew she was my girl!

Not surprisingly Shamim agreed to go. We jumped in the back of a black SUV and headed off in search of my stolen phone. As we pulled into the parking lot of the medicine shop I started to get really nervous. Was someone really going to admit they had my phone? What if we get into a fight or worse yet, shot?

We walked into the store… black heels, white suits (yes we actually both had on white) and nerves of steel. Shamim said hello in Chinese and proceeded to tell the owner that my phone was stolen and tracked to her location. Playing tough we requested she let her employees know that they could give up the phone now to us or deal with the police later- who we would promptly be calling (that was of course a bluff).

The store owner returned from the back of the store and explained that none of her employees had the phone. Graciously she let us look around. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would pass out. About to give up we decided to call Dave and ask him to ping the phone for us. With just 2% battery life left, we were running out of time!

Resourceful, Dave jumped on google maps to zero in on the location and tracked the phone to a doorway- “It’s on the Northeast side, by an entrance” he said. Sweating, Shamim and I walked around; furiously looking for the phone…it was nowhere. We looked in trashcans and behind cabinets- even our driver got involved. Dave was in Florida looking at a computer screen and trying to tell us where it was but we simply couldn’t find it! I felt like we were playing a game of cold, warm and hot. “It’s by an entrance, I see it!” Dave kept saying. Where was the phone?

We decided to walk outside and look at the exterior of the building when we heard a, “Ding, ding, ding!” Everyone started screaming, including the store owner, employee, driver, Shamim and me. We could hear it but where was it? I couldn’t believe we might actually find my phone after all! Looking in cars and gutters we realized…it was in the bushes. Digging through dirty diapers, empty bottles and leaves, we found it…my phone was actually there. I could not believe it- what started out as a crazy idea resulted in a successful recovery of my phone. Sure I could have gotten another but I had three days left on my trip, kids I needed to stay in touch with and a business to run. I wanted this phone.

The elation we felt was indescribable. Even more powerful was the feeling of adrenaline, adventure, fear, spontaneity, and ultimate victory! Pulling away, we were laughing so hard that we could barely catch our breath! The highlight of our week, Shamim and I felt like Starsky and Hutch- in that moment we were not working women, wives or mothers, we were best friends on a crazy adventure of a lifetime.

While it might not have been the smartest thing to do, it was by far a memory I’ll never forget. Sometimes, as grownups, we can play it too safe, hold back due to potential consequences or fear of the unknown. Othertimes, we can act like kids, take risks, go for it and be downright bold- that’s exactly what we did and to the day I die, I’ll never forget this victorious moment.

Actual moment of badassness.

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