I Opened the Door to My Daughter’s Cage- and Let her Fly

Two weeks ago I was sitting with my daughter Paris at the Barnes & Noble coffee shop. We were looking through books and casually talking over a bowl of chili. Killing some time before going to gymnastics, Paris looked up at me and said, “I wish I didn’t have to go to gym today.”

How many times has Paris said this to me over the past two years?

How often have I listened?

This time, I heard her and replied, “How about we don’t go back?”

I thought Paris was going to pass out. She looked at me and said, “Really mommy?” While I felt pangs in the pit of my stomach, something told me this was the right thing to do. The truth is Paris had not enjoyed gymnastics for a long time. I’ll go so far as to say it stole a little bit of her girl- piece- by- piece. It had started to chip away at her confidence, joy and happiness and I stood idly by. Year after year she stayed on the team and when prompted as to why she stayed, Paris responded, “I’m not a quitter.”

Interesting…It wasn’t because she loved it but due to the pressure of “Not being a quitter.” Reflecting on her time as a gymnast, I did see a drastic change. What started as something fun to do in her spare time turned into a part time job- friends became competitors, giggles during practice turned to silence and joy turned to a daily grind. It was no longer about developing skills and taking on new challenges; it was about winning. So this time I followed my gut and with six simple words, “How about we don’t go back?” freed my daughter.

Did I do The Right Thing?

I’m not going to say I didn’t feel sick to my stomach and sad for a week or so because I did. This was our life. Paris was at the gym three hours a day, four days a week; after a long day at school. Then she had to do hours of homework, sometimes not getting to bed until 10 pm.

As time passed and I began to process our decision, I felt elated. By allowing Paris the freedom to make her own choice I realized she would be able to explore new things and tap into her true gifts and talents. She became excited about trying a dance class, tumbling clinic, an art class, French tutoring and girl scouts with her friends. Paris started riding the bus home after school instead of heading straight to the gym and we were able to spend quality time with her, as a family. She became more excited about school projects and even homework!

As I watched Paris I felt “freedom” ooze out of her. I can’t even explain the emotion. It was like a new beginning, with opportunities everywhere. For the first time in years, she was free.  So here’s what I will confess- I loved watching Paris do gymnastics…something about seeing her run across the floor doing a back hand spring- back tuck reminded me of…well, me. I was a cheerleader who learned to tumble in high school and credit cheerleading with saving my life- literally (that’s another blog!). Could it be that I was somehow living through her?

Never a competitive mom, I always encouraged Paris to have fun and do her best. Yet I wonder, had she been doing gymnastics for me? Was she afraid I would think she was a quitter if she left? Was she spending her free time in a sport we chose for her because she didn’t want to let me down? Rarely complaining, going through the motions day after day, year after year, Paris continued on…until I opened the door to her cage and released her.

This experience has taught me a lot. It’s so important to stop and evaluate life and to have the courage to change direction when the current one stops working. Failure to do so will slowly steal your girl- the one who is inspired, happy and joyful.

What do you need to change in your own life? What about the lives of your children? While change is never easy, the truth is- you can’t grow by remaining what you are. Rather than be afraid of what you might lose, get inspired by what you just might gain.

Written by Traci Bild- Author, Speaker & Entrepreneur. Get a FREE Get Your Girl Back Dream Journal and spend some time off-line filling the pages with the images of what you hope to do in your relationship or marriage in the next year or decade! Go to www.GYGB.com for an instant download.

www.GYGB.com

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Stand Outside Your Windows and Look In- What Do You See?

This morning I was making my latte and listening to Pandora when the song Dave and I danced to at our wedding came on, The Hawaiian Wedding Song. It hit me like a ton of bricks and brought an immediate grin to my face. Turning it up, I stopped and looked around my home, “Who would have thought?”

If you’re married, odds are you remember everything about that moment too. As you swayed to the music you didn’t have a care in the world, this is where you were meant to be, with the people you loved most surrounding you in celebration. For most of us, our wedding song is one of those life moments we never forget (and for some people, one they wish they could forget).

I met Dave 22 years ago. We were kids with big dreams and all of 21 years old! He had shoulder length blond hair and mine was fire red with a rockin spiral perm. To this day Dave begs me to get that hair style back (yeah, right). Who would have thought that together we would travel the world, bury a parent (this wasn’t supposed to happen), start our careers, get married, buy a house (did we really have enough money to do this?), create two beautiful children and live to see the growth of…I’ll say it- grey hair! Can you relate?

Pondering our life together made me feel tremendous gratitude. It’s so easy to take what we have for granted. Whatever your situation, here’s a simple exercise for you to do today. Stop, go outside and look in the windows of your home. Objectively see your life as if a stranger looking in. Your perspective will completely change and instead of seeing what’s wrong, you will see what’s right.

Odds are you have a home, a family and food in the refrigerator. While this sounds pretty basic and a given, it’s not. Women all over the world are repressed in ways most of us can’t possibly imagine. So today, honor them by living in gratitude and truly taking in the blessings of your life. SEE your children, your partner, your furniture, your stove, your washer and dryer, your cabinets with food inside of them, your microwave, your floors, your walls with images of your life…take it all in. It’s beautiful isn’t it? This week, make this your mission- to see what’s beautiful and embrace the way it makes you feel.

Do me a favor, when you go outside and look in the window, come back and share on my blog how you felt and perhaps even what you saw. I would love to hear from you.

Written by Traci Bild, wife, mother, entrepreneur

www.GYGB.com  Get your FREE Get Your Girl Back Dream Journal Download and spend time working ON your life versus simply living IN it.

8 Steps to Organize Your Week

“Either you run the day or the day runs you.” Jim Rohn

Want to feel more empowered, in control and ready to jump into Monday- versus dreading it? Take some time today to or tomorrow to create your life map for the week and most importantly, PRIORITIZE your week and build it around the things that matter most to you.

So many women ask me how I plan my week so I’m giving you the nuts and bolts here. What matters is that you stop and make the time to do this for yourself. The way I teach this will result in your honoring the priorities that matter most in your life, bring fulfillment as well as a great sense of accomplish both at work and at home.

Here is my process:

  1. Set the Mood: Make a delicious latte or cup of tea, turn on your favorite music and go about crafting the week you wish to manifest. No more hoping, wishing and praying- it’s time for action. My routine is a yummy latte in my favorite coffee cup (that my beautiful mom gave me), a candle and the French Café on Pandora – so I can mentally escape to Paris.

 

  1. Get Your Tools: Gather everything you need to prepare for the week ahead. Calendars, colored pens, highlighters, etc. If you’re going to plan your week, you might as well make it fun.

 

  1. Organize the Week: Merge all family calendars into one. I use outlook so typically I’ll add everything in and color code it.

 

  1. Don’t Forget You! Once you organize your work and family calendar, get on the list! Build in when and where you will exercise and care for your health. I literally build yoga, spin, etc. into my calendar five days a week. It’s not always easy and there are days I simply can’t go but- it’s a game changer to allow yourself this time. Your body is the greatest asset you have and sadly, until it’s gone you may not realize this. Even if it’s a 20 minute walk before everyone wakes up for the day, get it on your calendar. Also add in date or time with a friend, even if just for lunch.

 

  1. Plan Your Meals: After the week is set you will have a better feel for what’s needed meal wise- whose going to be home when. Add the meal for each night into your evening calendar and even post the recipe or cookbook page in the notes section. The more you can eat at home, as a family- to meals that are healthy and planned ahead, the happier you will be. Trust me, it’s a mamma thing. We love to nourish those we love (even if you’re not a great cook, because trust me; I am not!). My favorite tools are Bon Appetit and the How to Cook Everything Fast cookbook. Oh and never feel guilty for buying cookbooks or subscribing to cooking magazines. You need the inspiration!

 

  1. Make Your Grocery List: Get a grocery app. Most are free and they will make shopping a breeze. I use My Shop which organizes items by category and allows you to make notes. You can email or text lists as well. Most importantly, you can add to the list all week so if you stop at the store unexpectedly, the list is with you.

 

  1. Pull Everything into a Capture Tool: Okay, this is the best part, what I call the cherry on top! Go into Outlook or whatever calendaring system you use and print out each individual page, Monday-Sunday. Review each day, add notes, highlight important events you do not want to miss and if you want, add an image or inspiring quote at the top of each page. Next print your task list, take all these papers and attach them to a clip board. This is your week’s life map- all captured in one spot, thus titled the Capture Tool. When in car lines, at sporting events or in the car, as papers are given or item to do, just put them on your capture tool clip board- all in one place. No more loose papers, sticky notes or scatter brain.

 

  1. Set Your Intention: The last thing to do is figure out your intention for the week- How do you want to feel, how do you intend to live your life in this coming week or what place will you spiritually, physically or mentally operate from? You get to decide! For example, mine last week was “I want to feel bold and empowered”. Setting your intention, writing it down and owning it gives you incredible power.

Guess what? You are ready to go! Forget being a victim of your week- it’s time to take control of your life.  Getting your girl back is about finding your power and choosing to craft the life you want. When you build the week, month and year around the priorities that matter most, AND HONOR those priorities, you will fulfill that emptiness that nags at you because you are out of balance.

I know this seems like a lot of work but isn’t your life and sanity worth it? I do this every weekend and you will need to set aside an hour because that’s how crazy life is and reining it all in takes some time. I imagine you can do it in 30 minutes if you wish too but my hope is that you will make this a ritual in your week, enjoy this time and allow yourself to embrace all the beautiful chaos of your life.

Want to get in control of your future as well? Download a FREE pdf of our Get Your Girl Back Dream Journal and start dreaming, planning and pondering what is possible for your life- http://gygb.com/download-the-first-chapter/

Please share this blog with the women you love, who are overwhelmed, a bit unorganized and who really want to change their lives. Together we can help them one day at a time.

Written by Traci Bild, Mother, wife, entrepreneur & founder of the  Get Your Girl Back Movement www.GYGB.com.

 

The Best Excuse to Get out of Exercise, Cooking and Sex!

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“I don’t have the time.”

For most of us women, this is one of our all-time favorite cop outs. Ask me why I don’t work out and my answer is, “I’m too busy, I simply don’t have time.” Challenge me on the importance of cooking healthy meals rather than running through a fast food restaurant after a long night at gymnastics with Paris and my answer is, “I would love to but I don’t have time.” Remind me that I have a gorgeous and loving husband who needs my attention and a sense of connection and my answer is, “I don’t have the time or energy.”

Sound familiar? The truth is women don’t have time to exercise, cook healthy meals or spend time with their partners. Between working forty hours or more outside the home, the commute to and from work, after school activities, homework, never-ending cleaning and laundry as well as the rare attempt to cram in the chapter of a book or a mindless television show to shut off the brain…finding additional time is sort of like glimpsing a double rainbow- it’s magical yet rare.

If you’re sort of sighing with relief… in knowing that you are not alone, I would like to ask you a deeper question- “Is this how you really want to live?” You know that you have to stay healthy and that means getting regular exercise and eating properly…if you are in a relationship, you’re in it probably because you love the person you are with. The result of making excuses is only going to create more deep seeded guilt and anxiety over not doing what you know you need to do! I know it’s crazy, right?  

I remember sitting in my kitchen and unbuttoning my Mrs. Me Jeans because my belly was hanging over them and it was uncomfortable. “It’s just a muffin top,” I thought- I have two kids! But then I didn’t just feel it but stood in front of a mirror and looked at it, yes my muffin top- Blueberry, peanut butter, chocolate or whatever it was…it was no longer just a muffin but a full blown entrée!  How was this possible (I wondered) – overall, I eat healthily…or was I?

That day, I did something different. I decided to stop making excuses. Instead of hiding behind the famous, “I don’t have the time,” I realized that I had to make the time. The fact is, a flat stomach wasn’t a priority to me, but good health was. It dawned on me that at 44 I was collecting an extra 5 pounds or so a year and that by the time I was 50, those Mrs. Me jeans would long be gone and on someone more fit to wear them.

It was time to own up and take stock of my life, the things that mattered most to me- my health, my family, and my sanity.  I literally removed the words, “I don’t have time” from my vocabulary. Instead I learned to say, “It’s not a priority.” At least this way I own it.

So I got serious about my health…reflecting back I now see that I was eating way too many carbs, skipping meals, living on lattes and getting exercise in every so often. Now, when I plan my weekly calendar, I make sure that fitness, meal planning, family fun and date night are all built in and color coded in my calendar. I’m treating the things I care about as the priorities they are. I feel more in control of my life because there’s no one to blame things on anymore. All I have to do is look in the mirror and take ownership.

It’s not easy being a woman in the 21st Century- in fact, it’s damn near impossible not to crawl up into fetal position and hide in a corner.  The best antidote is to fight back- with fun, adventure, laughter and a commitment to stay focused on the priorities that matter most in your life. To give the time and attention to those things- that at the end of the day, really do matter most. Then and only then will you feel less anxious, more inspired and empowered as a woman, wife, mother, daughter and friend. While only four words, “I don’t have the time”- they hold tremendous power. I challenge you to take that power back starting today by eliminating them from your vocabulary.

Written by Traci Bild Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement- (www.GYGB.com)

Someone Was Murdered- And I Had to Review the Evidence

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My palms were sweaty as I carefully looked over the evidence. A crime had been committed, heinous- and it was up to me to convey exactly what had happened. My heart beat faster and faster as I realized it was my turn to share what I felt had occurred that night. I looked at my kids who sat quietly beside me trembling in fear. “Okay, it was Mrs. Scarlett, with the lead pipe, in the library.” Paris looked at her evidence and discreetly showed me the lead pipe. Darn! That was not the weapon used. It was Noah’s turn…we were in a heated game of Clue.

When I was a girl, games were a favorite past time. I remember going to my cousin’s and playing them for hours on end…Life, Monopoly, and of course Clue- my favorite! We would throw on pajamas, spread the board games out on the floor, and play until the wee hours of the night. Our screams and laughter would ripple through the house as we assumed the lead or in the case of Monopoly- were sent to jail!

Clearly this is powerful memory because tears are dripping down my cheeks as I write. For a moment I’m there again- in my jammies, reliving those moments and how special they were- Time with cousins, playing games, being a girl and having fun. Yet I have to confess something really embarrassing– I’ve let years of my life go by without playing a single board game. Worse yet, I have kids!

It’s not that we don’t play games in our home but the truth is that I oftentimes just sit and watch as my husband and the kids or Uncle Adam and the kids play games. I’m too busy in the background making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen or doing laundry- so I watch from the sidelines.

In truth, on any of these occasions I could have stopped and jumped in the game. Players always call to me, “Come on Traci, sit down with us and play!” Yet each time I have every damn excuse in the world. Yet the real excuse, the one I didn’t see until recently is that I don’t know how to sit down!  I’m in constant motion, like one of those poor Polar Bears in Alaska who drowns because all the ice has melted and they can’t find a solid piece to rest on while hunting.  Like the bears, I find myself drowning- but by choice.

So as part of my Power of Play Blog Series I made a decision to play. I didn’t explain to anyone what I was doing, I just dug down inside myself and asked my girl to help me- you know, the one who laughed so hard she would pee her pants, who lived to play with her Barbies and couldn’t wait to run out the back door when at my cousins and pick juicy Concorde grapes off the vine and devour them by the dozens (I buy them every season in honor of this memory)!

The good news is I’m no longer drowning. I gave myself a lifeline- through play! It’s changed my life. Last week I wrote my blog about playing dodge ball and if you didn’t read it, you have to now, it’s so fun! I’ve realized that no one can save me but me! Multi-tasking all day, every day and dropping into bed exhausted each night is not how I want to live my life. At the age of 44 my life is half over (quality) and I’m determined to squeeze every ounce of juice out of it that I can.

So here I am- each day I wake up and rather than grab my phone and check email (while anxiety starts to set in), I think, “What fun is on the agenda today?” Yes I still have two companies to run, a household to maintain and kids to care for (and an amazing husband to spend time with) but I’ve re-prioritized my life, put things in perspective and am giving myself permission to play!

I know it may sound crazy and seem impossible to even consider how you can do this in your life, but you can! Here are simple ideas to get you started- when you make breakfast consider making a pot of tea and having a tea party with your kids or OMG by yourself! Yes, you will feel so proper and British…and remember doing this as a girl! Before going to bed at night step outside, lay a blanket on the ground and just look up at the stars.  As you lay there you will drift into a place of wonder, perhaps see a shooting star to wish upon and begin to ask yourself those age old questions…”Is there anyone else out there?” And let yourself ask these questions! Were you so political when you were a girl?

Okay so you get the point. Play. Play. Play. Play! Take each ordinary day and start to make it extraordinary. With each passing day you will get more creative, find more possibility and joy in things you can do to enlighten your life and the lives of those around you. So, here is my wish for you this week. Get your favorite board games out and play them! If you have kids they will be so excited and if you have girlfriends they will be all over it because it’s been far too long for them as well (you will be a hero). In fact, why not have a slumber party? It’s time to stop thinking so much and just do it- have fun!

I love, love, love to hear from you so please post here on my blog (below the post) what your favorite game was when you were a girl or your experiences as you pull that game out again and relive those childhood moments. If you never did play games in your home then it’s time to try something new! Give yourself the gift of a new game. Keep the game out on your kitchen table or in the open where you see it daily- this will encourage you to play more often.  As you play, you will become childlike again and the thoughts of bills, work and that never ending to do list will subside as you experience true joy, connection and laughter with the people across the board.

Written by Traci Bild Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement- Putting the Power of Play Back in the Gam ( www.GYGB.com)