I was at my 20th high school reunion this summer when I found myself cornered by about ten women. The topic was sex. No expert on the matter, it does seem I keep finding myself in these conversations and trust me, while taboo; it is a hot topic among women. I don’t mean young, twenty-something women, I mean women who are in what I call the midst of life. They are married, have children, jobs, and a never ending to do list. Stressed out and exhausted many women are rarely, if ever in the mood for sex.
While women give me every reason in the world as to why they don’t have sex with their husbands, I believe it boils down to one thing: Mindset. If you’re of the mindset that you are tired and that there simply is not enough time nor do you have the energy to have sex, then the fact is you won’t have it.
What I want you to consider is the consequence of that decision. How long can a marriage survive without intimacy? Symptoms reveal themselves in the form of arguments, anger, a sense of rejection by your partner, guilt for not having sex and feelings of detachment.
While you may not be in the mood or have lost your interest in sex altogether, I image the love you feel for your spouse is still strong. Here is my challenge: First, change your mindset. Seek out the wonderful qualities of your husband or partner, focus on what he does right, the great father he is, how attractive he is, or whatever it was that attracted you to him in the first place.
Second, create a regular date night. It is difficult to consider sex when you are downright exhausted and simply want to sleep! I have been with Dave for over 20 years and married for 15. I attribute our strong bond and relationship to date night; without it we would have lost that connection years ago. Every Wednesday or Saturday Grandma takes the kid and we go on a date. It’s fun for the kids and great for our marriage. Our one rule is no dinner and a movie. We have to be creative and find different things to do that allow us to laugh, have fun and enjoy one another’s time. We go on bike rides, see comedy shows, visit local pubs, and so on.
Oftentimes I don’t want to go as I’m tired- but I do because I know it’s important to our relationship. Once out, I always have fun and reconnect with Dave. I’m able to stop the rush of life, engage in meaningful conversation and remember all the reasons I fell in love with him.
We’ve had date night for ten years. I can’t tell you how important it has been to our marriage. If you don’t have a sitter, find one. Forget Starbucks and eating out for lunch, reinvest that money into your marriage and hire a sitter once a week so you can go on a date. I consider it insurance to protect your marriage and in turn, your family unit.
I imagine I’ll get some backlash from this blog but my mission is to help you get your girl back, and if you’re in an unhappy marriage, with stress and tension due to pent up frustration over lack of sex, I want to help. With Fifty Shades of Grey a massive best-seller, I know sex is on your mind. So let’s stop thinking and reading about it and just do it! Want encouragement and support? Let me help you get your girl back and reignite your passion for living. Check out the first chapter of my forthcoming book, Get Your Girl Back and find the inspiration needed to take the first step in your reviving your marriage. http://gygb.com/gygb-chapter-one/
Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement www.gygb.com