Last night I literally witnessed the loss of a girl. I saw her dissipate before my very eyes and it ripped my heart out. Worse yet, the little girl who was seeing her innocence, passion and purpose in life ripped away- was just ten years old and my daughter, Paris.
As the founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement, I know what it’s like to lose my girl, trust me; I speak from experience. I can’t begin to describe the feeling of seeing it happen to another person, particularly someone you love- it’s indescribable. While difficult to write about it is my hope that you will become aware of what this movement is really about and be able to help both women and girls understand who their girl is, her power, and how important it is to FIGHT for her at all cost because once you lose her you have to fight like hell to get her back!
There She Goes…
Paris is a competitive gymnast and has been for the past four years (and has been in gymnastics since the age of four). She spends 15 hours a week at the gym, works her tail off and is not what some might call a natural. She has to fight for every win, confront her fears weekly, and work twice as hard at her skills as the girls with natural ability. Yet she pushes through. Paris just ended her competition season and improved at every meet. Excited the season was over, she was just starting to work on new skills, challenge herself and talked every day of the new things she was doing and how empowering it was to grow in her gymnastic levels and move up with the big girls.
Then six words stole her girl. One of her coaches walked up to her and said, “You’re not going to Optionals ” which is the next level. Paris was stunned. Told to go practice with the young girls, a level down, she was completely humiliated as her peers stood by and watched. She didn’t know what was going on or why she was being moved. There was no explanation, no curiosity of pulling her aside or talking to her about what was happening. She walked out of the gym crying like I’ve never seen and struggling to breathe. She said she was sick but I knew something was up. I hugged her and asked if someone said something mean to her. After some prodding she opened up and told me what happened. I’ve never, in ten years, seen Paris cry so hard. She was broken, humiliated, isolated from her friends, and worst of all? She didn’t even know why.
Paris, finding comfort and unconditional love with Winter.
You Just Lost a Piece of Your Girl
I counseled Paris the best I knew how and then I told her, “Paris, I hate to tell you this but you just lost a part of your girl (she is crazy about this movement but I don’t think really got it until last night). I’m sorry. I wish this didn’t happen but it did and it will happen more often as you get older. What you must do is decide right now who you are, what you are made of and how you will respond.” Let’s be honest, I was dying inside.
Paris is ten; so far I’ve seen her lose a bit of her girl on two occasions with this being the worse. What blows my mind is how young it starts, and the weapon most often used: Words, cast by others, that steal our confidence and belief in our abilities.
How old are you? Can you remember when you first began to lose your girl? Did it happen all at once or over time, bit… by bit… by bit? Guess what? It’s time to fight for your girl because she is there inside you waiting to come back.
This movement was created to remind you of your girl, to help you understand who she was and where she went. Together we can prevent any further loss of your girl, as well as help your daughters, nieces, and dear friends keep from losing theirs. If you are brave, please share on my blog, your memory so we can all better understand, unite, and deal with this loss and then put on our boxing gloves! I would also love to share in future blogs as examples for our daughters. On a personal note, if you know me, PLEASE do not mention this experience to your child if a friend of my daughter’s or speak of in front of her. I am using this experience, even though very difficult, to teach and help you and the girls you love. At the end of the day Paris is a superhero- she will put on her armor and fight back, because that is who she is and as a result she will grow stronger. The same holds true for you. PLEASE WATCH LATER TODAY FOR MY FIRST EVER BLOG, WRITTEN FOR YOUR DAUGHTER OR NIECE. I WILL DEDICATE ONE PER WEEK GOING FORWARD. If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://gygb.com/category/blog/. If you’re reading this post through the daily email and want to become an Ambassador for Get Your Girl Back, where I’ll ask for help from you from time to time, email me at Traci@GYGB.com and I’ll share what we are up to.
Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues
Gay Edelman
So sorry that happened. So glad she had her girl till 10, and that she has you. So aware that part of getting our girls back is standing up to bully coaches. Don’t know how you will proceed with that, but I hope you’ll let that person know how cruelly the bad news was delivered, multiplying its impact.
And Traci, dear, if you share this publicly, it WILL get back to her friends. I can’t tell you what to do with that, of course. But you and Paris need to be prepared for blowback. It happens. Coaches aren’t the only bullies, and bullying can take many forms including gossip and rumor-mongering, particularly among girls.
Traci Bild
Hi Gay, As I hit post on the blog, I prepared myself should Paris find out. She is such a defender of people and bullying that I decided that I would tell her flat out that sharing her story helped other moms protect their own children and more importantly a Get Your Girl Back blog for moms was born- all because of a really crappy day. But- God used her to reach me and now together, she and I can help reach more moms and daughters. Knowing Paris, she will get that. Thanks for the feedback though- pray I don’t have to go there! Always my wise mentor Gay! Traci
Mary Peterson
My daughter has experienced something similar, excpet her sport was tennis. I know she struggled through her season last fall, with a coach who was a bully. Well, that coach is not going away and I need to find the right words to use to keep her girl safe for this next season. How do we stand up for our girls without putting them in a harder spot? How do we keep them soft on the inside yet with armor for the outside? My heart goes out to you and your daughter. As a mother we want to protect and inspire them, and so easily someone else can break them down. Thank you for speaking up about these moments and for helping all of us deal with the bullies in our lives. I truly apperciate you opening yourself up for us! Hang in there.
Cindy Pergrem
Look in the mirror with your daughter and tell her she is irreplaceable. Make sure she is looking herself in the eye and have her say–I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE SO VERY SPECIAL AND SO BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE YOU ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. Then have her embrace herself with a big hug. Whenever you or she is feeling down and defeated go back to the mirror. Self love and self belief are crucial when we receive negative talk from others.
Traci Bild
Wow Cindy, that is really POWERFUL! Love it and thanks for sharing, I am going to do that!
Traci
Heather
Your response seemed perfect. I wish I could talk so empowering to my kids when they have a setback. I’m taking notes! Thank you Traci.
Traci Bild
Heather, just say what you want to say not what you think you should say. I am always honest with my children, no matter what, even if it is not comfortable. They have seen that I always tell it straight, don’t shy away and as a result, they open up to me more. Just trying to keep that darn door open. Also, speak what YOU would say girlfriend, not your mother, ha! We all have mom in us. I imagine you are a pretty amazing mother!
Lainna Dobosz
Wow Tara! Paris definitely struggled yet became stronger and more resilient that day. I’m sure it broke your heart even more than it did hers. I know as a mother you want to protect your babies from ever having to hurt or struggle yet they must. It’s easier for us to say to ourselves that we will become stronger because of our challenges than it is for us to convince ourselves that those we love must struggle. My heart goes out to Paris and I pray that she reach inside and see how valuable, perfect and complete she is just by being herself! And thank you for being so vulnerable as a mom and sharing your heart with us!
Traci Bild
Hi Lainna, thanks for reaching out and yes, not a good day but we are both stronger and it was a wonderful bonding moment because it was so hard. However, things are going to be okay and I’ve got a follow up blog coming out because there is more to the story, as there always is. Was hard to share…thanks for supporting.
Donna Cutting
Oh….breaks my heart! The only thing I can add to what has already been said is….she sure is blessed to have you for a Mom! No wonder she’s such an amazing young woman!
Traci Bild
Thanks Donna. She is still working thought it and it’s tough but she if now fighting which is pretty cool, we currently have a balance beam in our living room, ha! She is on it about every minute! Will update blog later today to tell the rest of the story. Interesting for sure! How old were you when the story you told me about “your girl” and the performance happened? Just curious.
Luc
Well if you ask me, getting your girl back should include telling the coach that he shouldn’t treat a child that way.
Traci Bild
Hi Luc, thanks for the feedback, we did go in and tell the coach that she was wrong and she agreed. As an update it’s all working out great and Paris is pushing herself harder than ever and I can’t believe that it actually has made her step up and respond in an incredible way. So appreciate you reading the blog and your feedback. Just saw this or would have responded sooner!
Leticia
Wow I really just cried for your little girl. This movement really speaks to me,as I lost my girl ages ago. I have made the get uoy girl back my 2015 motto. I now have 3 little girls of my own. So this is something I thing about often.
Traci Bild
Wow Leticia, thanks so much for your comment, just saw it and my mission is to help women get their girl back and teach their daughters to never lose theirs. Use your power, change your life Leticia and teach those girls to follow their gut, live their dreams and not over schedule and lose their spirit!