Are You Living in Fear or Possibility?

For the past fifteen years I have called upon an amazing woman, whom I refer to as “My wise sage,” to help me in times of confusion, doubt or struggle. Her actual name is Sue. I’ve never met her in person, have no idea what she looks like but consider her one of the most influential women in my life and her advice and intuition is spot on.

Talking to Sue recently, she said something that rocked me to my core. “Traci, it seems you’re living in fear of the future instead of the possibility in it.” I felt the blood drain from my head and as if I might pass out. Seriously, it hit me like a ton of bricks because she was right and I had no idea.

Most disturbing is that I had always lived my life from a place of possibility- excited about the future- creating it first in my dream journals and then meticulously through very clear goal setting. Not once have I doubted my ability to do something and Sue knew this because she’s been coaching me for 15 years and seen it firsthand. So what changed?

I know it sounds really contrite but the only thing that changed was my thinking. In truth, something has been off in my mind for the past six months and I’ve struggled to access that part of my brain that instills confidence, belief and pure drive. At 44 I was thinking perhaps it was my age and something chemical- or at least that was an easy out for me. But when Sue said, “You’re living in fear of the future,” she unlocked my power- literally. That very day I instantly felt better because I knew what was wrong, my focus and thinking was off. Rather than put energy toward what it is I wanted, I was giving it to what I didn’t want and was afraid might happen in my life.

The brain is a very tricky organ. It needs a job and if you don’t give it one- a clear one, it will take over and in most cases, fill you with doubt, fear and anxiety. For me, this trigger built up due to actions I took in my consulting firm, Bild and Company. I had hired a new CEO the year prior to run my national organization; something I had done myself for over 20 years. While he has done a fantastic job, I never worked through the grieving process of “giving up my position” and also felt powerless to run my business because I had literally handed the job over to someone else. Known to many as the Mindset Mentor, I for sure had lost that ability over the past six months. What I didn’t lose was my refusal to live a mediocre life. Instinctually I knew I was losing the battle of the mind, but simply couldn’t figure out how to regain control. Refusing to give in, it finally hit me- I need to call Sue and thus the beginning of the story.

Almost like a fairy god mother waiving her wand, with one sentence Sue returned my power. Instantly I felt my mind, mood and spirit shift back to living in possibility. I couldn’t do better because I didn’t know better; now I do.

Even more powerful is the process I’ve been engaged in to find one “word” or phrase to encompass what the Get Your Girl Back movement is about. All I can say is God is good because through this experience, tough as it has been, he revealed it to me (and you are going to be among the first to hear it!).

I’ve always lived my life in possibility but many women have not. Before I could help others with this final piece of the puzzle, I had to experience it personally- not what it’s like to live in possibility- but the despair of living my life in fear.

I understand now- Get Your Girl Back for me has always been about possibility- how could I have missed it? The possibility to live an abundant life, the possibility to have a beautiful marriage, the possibility to enjoy great health, the possibility to raise well-mannered children who make a difference in the world, the possibility to use your natural talents and gifts in your work, the possibility to have financial freedom, the possibility to live in gratitude, the possibility to have balance and the possibility to have fulfillment in your life. There are SO MANY POSSIBILITIES! You just have to expect them to show up!

This is the possibility I’ve lived in since I was a girl- that along the way was lost- but regained. This is Get Your Girl Back- so go, live in possibility and make your life what you’ve always dreamed it would be. Comment here on my blog your thoughts, I would love to hear them.

Please, if this message resonates with you, help me spread the word to the women you know and love. Forward them the blog, encourage them to sign up for Notes From Your Girl or advise them to download a FREE dream journal and see what it feels like to map out their life and live in possibility. Just visit www.GYGB.com for any of these immediate actions. Thanks for supporting me through this journey. We are just getting started.

 

 

 

 

The Dream Job- To Get to the End Let’s Go Back to the Beginning

I posted earlier today on my Working Mother magazine blog “Walking Zombie” about this interesting dynamic in what we want as a young professional and the reality of what needs to happen to get there. 

By the way, there are so many neat blogs on Working Mother magazine’s website!  I hope you can go over there to check them out sometime: www.workingmother.com. 

Here’s the full blog post:

Man walking into bright future

I was at dinner last night with Dave and two of our lifelong friends Joe and Rebecca. Joe, who has an amazing job in the medical field, was sharing a story about a mother who asked if he would let her son shadow a case he was working on. The goal was to expose her son to Joe’s field of work in hopes that he might follow suit.

The day came and Joe happily took this young man under his wing, showing him the ins and outs of his job. In short, he sells heart stints to heart surgeons, participates in surgeries, showing Doctors how to use his product properly upon purchase and spends lots of time “after work” forging lasting relationships as it’s a highly competitive field.

At the end of the day together, the young man looked at Joe and exclaimed, “Wow, I want to do this! How do I get started?” Joe sat him down and said, “Well you don’t actually start here. Let me take you back to the beginning, twenty years ago, with my first pharmaceutical sales job.” He went on to trace his career path, which wondered down many roads…some good, some not so good… but that ultimately ended with the amazing position he holds today. When he finished sharing his story, the boy looked at Joe and said, “Wow, you had to do all that to get to this? Can’t I just start here? That’s going to take a long time!”

Don’t we all wish we could start at the end, with the dream job or highly successful business? Yet rarely if ever does one just end up in the job of a lifetime. Great jobs require lots of knowledge, experience and confidence; they are earned. Sitting with Joe, Rebecca, and Dave, there was an unspoken level of respect for one another as we all started out with nothing but strong work ethic, determination and huge dreams for our futures.

While we are all very successful today, living what some might consider “The good life,” each of us still works as if we never caught that dream– we are consistently pushing ourselves harder, striving to learn, grow and achieve more. Each of the positions that led us to the place we are today was important. One job led to another and in most cases some sort of promotion and increase in responsibility and income. None of us imagined those steps would move us to the careers we have today. In Joe’s case, he didn’t even know the job existed…he was a finance major in college…and today he is teaching surgeons how to use his product in real surgeries! How crazy is that? And Dave- out of all his friends in college, he and one other guy are still in the business. The path to becoming a Captain at a major airline is so difficult that most just pursued other fields. I’m so proud of him because he stayed the course and kept his eye on the big dream.

Some of us, like Dave, have a set path that is well mapped out and lands at a certain position- such as a  doctor, lawyer or other professional career position. Others, like Joe, Rebecca and I ended up in unexpected, surprising places that far exceeded what we had planned for our lives. The point is that you are where you are for a reason. What might seem remedial today is providing you with skills that will be vital to the next step in your career tomorrow. What matters is that you are moving forward, advancing toward the future, being challenged, growing, learning and allowing life to deliver those unexpected, but blissful surprises you couldn’t possibly imagine for yourself.

The other thing to keep in mind is that you must have patience. No matter where you are right now, do what you do with passion and give it 110% so long as it is moving you in the direction of your dreams. Set goals and push to go to the next level in your life and when the timing is right, you will get there! Also know that there is no real “there.” Once you land at what you thought was your dream job, odds are you will have another in mind- that’s good because it means you are growing, learning and pushing to the next glorious level in life and when you do that, you are alive!

While you may feel at times like the young man Joe mentored, wondering if you have what it takes to walk the long road to your dreams, realize that if the dream burns deep in your heart, it will be worth every step. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking!

Written by Traci Bild, work-life balance expert and Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement. Follow us on Facebook (Get Your Girl Back movement) for more inspiration and ideas to live a life of adventure, fun and sheer bliss! To download the first chapter of Traci’s forthcoming book, Get Your Girl Back, visit  http://gygb.com/the-book/.

FB: Get Your Girl Back movement ∙ Instagram: Get Your Girl Back Movement ∙ Twitter: @TraciBild ∙ Pinterest Get Your Girl Back

A Millionaire’s Confession: I Don’t Feel Worthy

I recently blogged on Savor Magazine’s site about a moment recently where I didn’t feel “worthy” enough.  Yes, it still happens.  Well all I can say is WOW! Your responses were so moving.  I’m sharing the article again here in case you didn’t read it.  One thing is very clear: the power we have to lift each other up is amazing and I’m thankful for my working mother sisterhood.

Here’s what I wrote:

In a Savor mastermind meeting today with a group of women I regularly meet with in New York City, I felt the blood drain from my head, my fingertips go numb and my eyes fill with tears. My mentor, Angela Jia Kim, had challenged me to a moment of truth and I was not ready for it.

We were discussing my brand when she said, “Your brand is about giving people hope. Throughout your life you’ve had different individuals tell you that you weren’t good enough, and as a result, you’ve worked your ass off to prove them wrong. Traci, you are still trying to prove your worth.”

Having known me for two years, it was no use to try to pretend she was wrong. Sitting in front of nine business peers, I almost collapsed on the floor in tears.

The fact is, I’m 44 years old and still holding on to the words of my ninth grade English teacher who said, “You’re just not a good writer”; the college classmate who out of nowhere said, “I don’t know why you are here. One day I’m going to be your boss”; the fellow cheerleader in high school who came over for pre-game pizza at our apartment and said, “Yuck, you have roaches in your cabinet.”

iStock_000019801549Large

Today, my armor of accolades offered no protection. The successful business, published books, and spoils of success were shattered by the raw truth:  I don’t feel worthy. I was busted.

Despite my discomfort, I needed this moment of vulnerability. The grown woman, Traci Bild, has spent the last 25 years trying to rescue the young girl, Traci Shafer, who was trying to prove her worth to the world.

I took a deep breath, wiped the tears from my eyes, and for the first time in my life acknowledged this truth. While difficult, it was incredibly liberating. I’ve been in prison for years and today, thanks to my mentor, I was given the keys to freedom.

It is now up to me to decide whether to stay a prisoner of these limiting thoughts, or to set myself free, and I choose freedom! Going forward, I will speak, write and work not to prove I’m good enough, but for the purpose I believe so powerfully in – to help women find THEIR all versus IT all.

Words are powerful and can impact our lives in tremendous ways. Perhaps it’s time to consider your own truth – what beliefs are you holding onto that are limiting your ability to step into your destiny? While not easy to ponder, the truth will set you free.

Homework Assignment:

Answer these questions in your journal:

1. What labels have you picked up that need to be shed?

2. Journal about this today and see where it leads you.

– See more at: http://blog.savorthesuccess.com/dream/worthy/#sthash.IEc6OWw5.dpuf

The Best Excuse to Get out of Exercise, Cooking and Sex!

ist2_2989270-3d-clock-ticking-fast-ntsc1

“I don’t have the time.”

For most of us women, this is one of our all-time favorite cop outs. Ask me why I don’t work out and my answer is, “I’m too busy, I simply don’t have time.” Challenge me on the importance of cooking healthy meals rather than running through a fast food restaurant after a long night at gymnastics with Paris and my answer is, “I would love to but I don’t have time.” Remind me that I have a gorgeous and loving husband who needs my attention and a sense of connection and my answer is, “I don’t have the time or energy.”

Sound familiar? The truth is women don’t have time to exercise, cook healthy meals or spend time with their partners. Between working forty hours or more outside the home, the commute to and from work, after school activities, homework, never-ending cleaning and laundry as well as the rare attempt to cram in the chapter of a book or a mindless television show to shut off the brain…finding additional time is sort of like glimpsing a double rainbow- it’s magical yet rare.

If you’re sort of sighing with relief… in knowing that you are not alone, I would like to ask you a deeper question- “Is this how you really want to live?” You know that you have to stay healthy and that means getting regular exercise and eating properly…if you are in a relationship, you’re in it probably because you love the person you are with. The result of making excuses is only going to create more deep seeded guilt and anxiety over not doing what you know you need to do! I know it’s crazy, right?  

I remember sitting in my kitchen and unbuttoning my Mrs. Me Jeans because my belly was hanging over them and it was uncomfortable. “It’s just a muffin top,” I thought- I have two kids! But then I didn’t just feel it but stood in front of a mirror and looked at it, yes my muffin top- Blueberry, peanut butter, chocolate or whatever it was…it was no longer just a muffin but a full blown entrée!  How was this possible (I wondered) – overall, I eat healthily…or was I?

That day, I did something different. I decided to stop making excuses. Instead of hiding behind the famous, “I don’t have the time,” I realized that I had to make the time. The fact is, a flat stomach wasn’t a priority to me, but good health was. It dawned on me that at 44 I was collecting an extra 5 pounds or so a year and that by the time I was 50, those Mrs. Me jeans would long be gone and on someone more fit to wear them.

It was time to own up and take stock of my life, the things that mattered most to me- my health, my family, and my sanity.  I literally removed the words, “I don’t have time” from my vocabulary. Instead I learned to say, “It’s not a priority.” At least this way I own it.

So I got serious about my health…reflecting back I now see that I was eating way too many carbs, skipping meals, living on lattes and getting exercise in every so often. Now, when I plan my weekly calendar, I make sure that fitness, meal planning, family fun and date night are all built in and color coded in my calendar. I’m treating the things I care about as the priorities they are. I feel more in control of my life because there’s no one to blame things on anymore. All I have to do is look in the mirror and take ownership.

It’s not easy being a woman in the 21st Century- in fact, it’s damn near impossible not to crawl up into fetal position and hide in a corner.  The best antidote is to fight back- with fun, adventure, laughter and a commitment to stay focused on the priorities that matter most in your life. To give the time and attention to those things- that at the end of the day, really do matter most. Then and only then will you feel less anxious, more inspired and empowered as a woman, wife, mother, daughter and friend. While only four words, “I don’t have the time”- they hold tremendous power. I challenge you to take that power back starting today by eliminating them from your vocabulary.

Written by Traci Bild Founder of the Get Your Girl Back Movement- (www.GYGB.com)

Incorporate Play Into Your Day!

Our topic at Get Your Girl Back today is GROW

Incorporate Play Into Your Day!

pillow fight

You can’t grow by remaining what you are. You have to be open to ideas that will help you create a new way of living. So today’s focus is on fun! Life is so serious and there is always some place to go, something to do, and you will constantly struggle to put yourself on that very important “to do” list. So guess what? I’m going to help make sure you do it!

When you were a girl, I bet you knew how to have fun- from slumber parties to cruising with your friends listening to your favorite tunes, having fun wasn’t something you had to think about doing; it was something you just did! Fun was a way of living.

How much fun have you had these last few years? Could it be time to lighten up, relax your schedule, and incorporate more play into your day? Whether you live alone or are in the throes of raising a family, my challenge to you today is to grow in your ability to have fun.

In our home, fun revolves around the infamous tickle monster (Dave), Friday night dance parties (me), hitting Bush Gardens for some rollercoaster riding fun (the kids and Dave-not me!), jet skiing and tubing, jumping on the trampoline, playing Vet by bathing, blow drying, trimming and brushing our beloved stuffed animals….these are the things that happen in our home on a regular basis and it takes a conscious effort to create fun and keep it alive in our family.

Dave and I also have fun by going on regular date nights- every week it’s either on Wednesday or Sunday, and it’s been that way for ten years. Our fun includes going on long bike rides, hitting the theater, boating, visiting a pub, dancing and more.

I also like to have fun alone- this morning I got up early and went on a bike ride, listened to my favorite music, sang, dreamed, and tended to my soul- it was fun.  l also love and make time to garden, hit my favorite bookstore, read and spend time with girlfriends- all fun.

Since our focus is to grow, in your ability to play more and have fun- I can’t help but wonder. When was the last time you’ve had fun?

This week, think about how you can make each day more fun- Here a few ideas to get you started:

  • When driving, put your cell phone away and blast the music- if you have kids in the car, they will love it!
  • Ride bikes to school with the kids or to work rather than driving.
  • Go on a spontaneous date night (no dinner and a movie- be creative!).
  • Take a bubble bath.
  • When making dinner, light a candle and put on music that inspires you to feel playful.
  • Take your pet to the dog park and play with him.

Small changes to your routine or day can make such a big difference in your life experience in how you feel and in turn respond to those around you.  While life is busy and problems are real, there is no reason you can’t have fun along the way.  Starting today, contemplate your routines and as you go about them, consider how you can add a spark of fun, play or adventure and experience life for what it’s meant to be: Wonderful, delicious, and intoxicatingly fun!

If you have not yet joined us for our FREE Get Your Girl Back Life Series, jump in! Our classes are every Friday from 12-12:30 with Q & A from 12:30-12:45. You can register at www.GYGB.com and join a movement of women seeking a new way of living- free of stress, anxiety and pressure and full of joy, laughter, and abundance! Please share what you are doing to incorporate fun into your day on our Facebook page at the Get Your Girl Back movement or here in the comments section of our blog. I love to hear from you!

If you’d like to get the daily blog post by email, sign up at http://bit.ly/1j2ol3s. 

 

Written by Traci Bild, Founder of the Get Your Girl Back movement & expert on Women’s Issues